This post contains the results of the Kpopalypse 2015 End Of Year Caonima Activity Survey!
There were nearly 600 responses to the survey, thanks to all the caonimas who enjoyed caonima survey activities! Even though my readership has increased, the grand total of 588 completed responses was a little bit less participation than previous years – this is probably a result of my new survey software which doesn’t let the same person fill it out twice as I know that on previous surveys exceptionally bored people did multiple entries. A new statistic which hasn’t appeared in Kpopalypse surveys before is completion rate, which held steady throughout the survey period at an impressive 92% – only 8% of respondents (48 in total) lacked the required determination levels to see the survey through to the end, and caonimas from 60 different countries participated! Let’s get on with the results – read on for all the survey data that is true and factual!
Question 1: Hi! How are you? Answer in as much or as little detail as applicable.
Most of you were good! Several people asked how I am – I’m good also! Some answers to your questions and concerns:
Will there be any gif’s of Choa’s wardrobe malfunctions? – I feel like that’s a specialty of Zaku at Anti Kpop-Fangirl given that the most popular post ever in AKF is a Zaku wardrobe malfunction post. I’ll leave covering this topic to the master!
I’m debating whether or not to spend $50 on imported chocolate that I have a yen for because it’s unavailable in my country. – DO IT. Kpopalypse is pro-chocolate.
Do you like board games? – Yes!
A crazy girl is trying to fuck me and she’s kinda hot so what do? – I recommend that you hold out for a less crazy person. Plenty of fish in the sea.
A great day today, huh?? I sure love Crayon Pop! The twins are adorable! Choa is so cute and innocent and would never harm anyone in any way! Choa if you’re reading the results I ask that you return my three children to me safely. I’ve done all you asked for. – Reposting for your family’s safety. Good luck.
I have compiled a playlist of sad kpop that includes plenty of Big Bang and 2NE1. What do you think of that? – I don’t think of that.
I’m ok, I’m a bit hungry though. Should I have cereal or eggs and toast? – Live dangerously. Flip a coin.
I’m a childhood educator where I was told today by a child, “We like Pokemon cards but we don’t like you”. At the end of the day though, here I am. What is life? – This video may help!
I’m good, thanks for asking. Nobody ever asks these days. Well they do, but do they genuinely mean it tho? Or is it because we’re so conditioned to say so? Do you really mean to ask how are you? – Yes! I ask this question every survey because I care about the welfare of my readers! Although I would still blog if I had no readers, I’m very grateful for everybody who takes time out of their day to read my posts and do my surveys, even if they hate me!
On to the next question!
Question 2: How do you feel about doing another Kpopalypse survey?
Most people wanted to do the survey, or just wanted to see what was inside, which makes sense! A bold 4% of you were willing to do the survey even though you hated every minute of it – thanks for your contribution!
Question 3: I’m using Polldaddy because Google Forms is broken as fuck. How do you feel about this?
Most of you didn’t care about my survey software issues and just wanted to be asked about rimming Joy’s ass. Unfortunately for you, the survey didn’t have any questions about rimming Joy’s ass in it (apart from this one). Feel free to add how you’d feel about rimming Joy’s ass below in the comments to this post to make up for the shortfall.
Question 4: Drag the text boxes up and down to rank the following in order of quality, from highest to lowest.
Apologies to those of you who didn’t like these “ranking” questions because you were doing them on your mobile phones where it’s really hard to drag the boxes up and down. I didn’t realise this myself until I tried to access my own survey via a phone after people kept mentioning it and I realised that the format does indeed suck dick for phones. In any event I randomised the order of answers in this question so that even if you had trouble dragging things, if you decided not to drag anything at all and skipped the ranking questions it wouldn’t bias any result in particular over multiple responses. From most popular to least popular, the results are as follows. Included is the “weighted ranking”, a lower number means more popular.
Hyosung’s boobs – 3.59
Seolhyun’s ass – 3.77
Joy’s thighs – 3.96
Kpopalypse’s humour – 3.99
Sulli’s prophylactics – 5.56
Anti K-pop-Fangirl’s author vetting process – 6.29
Ailee’s judge of character – 6.66
Hwayoung’s worth ethic – 6.73
Asian Junkie’s web host – 6.78
Bom’s surgeon – 7.41
I think “almost as popular as Joy’s thighs” should be my new slogan. Also, confirmed proof that Allkpop is “The Great Satan”!
Question 5: This is (probably) a picture of Joy from Red Velvet.
Are you able to tell the Red Velvet members apart?
Question 6: How often do you read Kpopalypse posts?
Given that I don’t usually post more than twice per week, most people had a fairly logical reading ratio, although I do admire the people who have determination to check my posts more often than this! Of course those who read my crap less than once per week may have missed the opportunity to complete the survey altogether, so this probably skews the results. The 1% of you who found the survey through ESP, please share your secrets with the rest of us!
Question 7: People are always asking me shit about fancams but I really don’t give a flying fuck about fancams. Should Kpopalypse write more about fancams?
Most of you were under no illusions about your chances of getting fancam posts out of me, which was great to see!
Question 8: Given two selections in a multiple choice question of equal merit, which would you pick?
I had the answer “the second option” listed as the first option, and vice versa, causing some of you much psychological distress. I appreciate those who struggled on through this question and completed the survey.
Question 9: What completely non k-pop related topic would you like to see Kpopalypse devote an entire overlong pointless post to?
It’s well know that cats win the Internet so I wasn’t surprised that they also appeared at first place here, however I was quite amazed by the amount of people who actually wanted to know more about Australian politics, which trailed felines by only three votes! Dan Akroyd is now unsubscribing from Kpopalypse blog.
Question 10: Rank these apocalyptic scenarios in terms of likelihood, from most likely to least likely.
We all know that the apocalypse will come one day – but how will it happen? Here’s the results of the next ranking question, along with weighted ranking values, with most likely scenario at the top:
JYP whispers his own name at a subatomic particle and creates a black hole, swallowing the Earth – 3.23
Shit music disease from multiple simultaneous trap comebacks infects the human race and turns everyone into maggots – 3.54
Artificial intelligence hears Red Velvet’s “Dumb Dumb“, decides humans are a bunch of dumb-dumbs and kills us all – 3.74
Excessive SM box MV manufacture influences climate change-triggered apocalyptic weather event which wipes out 99% of humanity – 3.92
Seo In Young poses with Taeyeon for a magazine, the voids under their bras collide and Earth fries in the resulting dark matter explosion – 4.42
Chain reaction Fukushima nuclear power plant explosion poisons all parts of the Earth not covered by SM box material – 4.45
New 2NE1 album is released in 2016 and is actually decent, billions die in shock – 4.67
Looks like the world could end in any number of ways, however CL probably won’t be involved – this time.
Question 11: Here is a picture of IU.
What is IU most likely to be thinking in the above picture?
Results were reasonably even but a greater amount of people felt that IU was thinking about Eunhyuk’s pearly gifts.
Question 12: Rate the following properties of Kpopalypse’s writing in terms of your personal enjoyment.
Most people seems to like all aspects of Kpopalypse apart from fap material, which scored a “meh” overall. Is this because I don’t really care that much about writing basic fap posts so I rarely do it, because you’re not seeing the type of fap posts that you’d like to see, or it is because my readers don’t like fap material in general? Maybe a question for a future survey!
Question 13: What religion are you?
I made sure that I included what I felt were all the important mainstream religions in society today, but I also put in an “other” category so nobody felt left out, just to be fair to anybody who was into some strange cults or whatever.
Question 14: Are you an honest person? (TIP: answer carefully – this is probably a trick question.)
An honest person would tell the truth and answer “yes” to this question. A liar on the other hand would lie, and answer “yes” to this question. That’s why there was only one option for this question. I’m sure you’re all honest anyway and only upstanding honest truthful people read Kpopalypse. By getting you to answer this question I could be assured of the accuracy of all the other questions.
Question 15: This is a picture of Seo Jisoo from Lovelyz.
How does Kpopalypse cope with the emotional burden of always picking the correct side in a k-pop scandal?
Most of you picked the correct answer as Kpopalypse does not do recreational drugs (except chocolate)! However all human experience, including listening to Lovelyz, is converted to chemical reactions in the brain so it could be argued that drugs is also a correct response. The picture of Seo Jisoo was just there to remind you that if a news outlet actually has to change their name to “The Fact” to legitimise themselves, they probably publish a lot of lies.
Question 16: How do you feel about Seo Jisoo returning to Lovelyz?
Most people weren’t Lovelyz fans but were still happy to hear the good news. I didn’t bother putting in any negative options as part of my continuing quest to promote positivity in the world of k-pop and banish negativity and cynicism.
Read the following carefully and make sure you understand it. There will be a question about it later.
Many people thought I was trolling with this, but a few of you picked up that it was actually directly related to a later question. I guess a lot of people didn’t read it carefully enough. Feel free to read it carefully again now in case you didn’t understand it earlier when you did the survey.
Question 17: Social Justice Warrior corner! Which important social justice issue would you like to see confirmed SJW Kpopalypse cover next? As these issues are all very important, you can choose multiple answers for this question if you wish. (TIP: those with a slim grasp on their own sexual identity may feel threatened by this question. Kpopalypse recommends a cold shower while repeating the mantras “I am not a faggot bitch” and “I did not masturbate to the answers”.)
Survey participants could choose multiple answers, but had to pick at least one. Here’s what you selected, from the most popular answers downward:
How we need more global warming to make the planet hotter so people take off more of their clothes more often and see each other’s naked bodies glistening in the heat and are more tempted to have gay sex – 250 votes
How there needs to be more global conflict so men in sexy uniforms can bunk more with other men and potentially have gay sex – 212 votes
How global population needs to increased unchecked so each individual human has more potential gay sex partners – 203 votes
How nuclear power needs to increase so there are more nuclear accidents and humans all get infected with radiation, then we will glow in the dark and it will be easier to see each other while hooking up in dingy nightclubs for gay sex – 188 votes
How guns are great because penetrating other people with hard objects is similar to gay sex – 179 votes
How clubbing baby seals needs to continue so gay people can watch horrifyingly graphic documentaries about it while they cuddle up together on the couch comforting each other, which may lead to gay sex later – 173 votes
How fossil fuel use needs to be increased globally so humans continue to have access to the byproducts of petroleum production to make dildos for gay sex – 155 votes
It looks like according to readers global warming is the one thing most needed to make the world a better place for gay people. Let’s keep burning those fossil fuels so we can have more gay sex for everyone! Gosh it feels good to be making a difference. If only two gay people get laid as a result of this post, it was all worth it… *wipes away tear in corner of eye*
Question 18: Do you like J-pop?
Although I was curious as to the answer of this question, I also didn’t want to place any of my readers in the awkward position of actually having to admit that they liked J-pop. I have too much respect for all of you to do that to any of you, so I think these survey options were a good compromise.
Question 19: Do you like K-dramas?
I honestly didn’t expect K-dramas to get a slightly cooler reception than J-pop, but there you go. Another survey, another opportunity for Kpopalypse to be learning stuff about his readers!
Question 20: This is a picture of T-ara.
When I started blogging, I made a promise to consistently post gratuitous pro T-ara content until people learned to be nicer to them, as a way to counterbalance the dumb T-ara hatred everywhere on the Internet at the time (late 2012) plus annoy everyone. Should I continue to do this? Pick the response that most closely matches how you feel.
Results were fairly even here, with “I like T-ara” being the most popular choice by a slim margin. Note that the third and fourth responses were exactly tied with 20% of the vote each. No option for a “no” response was given because I know that you’d all rather prefer I continue to write about T-ara.
Question 21: Which group or person should be featured in upcoming Kpopalypse fanfictions?
Martina and BTS were the clear losers here, whereas Sulli was the most popular choice by a reasonable amount. Berry Good collected the highest amount of “meh”.
Question 22: Rank the nine different types of Kpopalypse post in order of preference, from most to least preferred.
How you ranked each category in terms of preference, from most popular to least popular, with weightings:
Trufax – 3.66
Reviews – 3.68
Technical – 4.06
Fap – 5.11
Kpopalypse-specific – 5.40
Cao Ni Ma – 5.42
Interviews – 5.55
Fiction – 5.87
Nugu Alert – 6.08
For contrast, here’s what’s actually generated traffic to my site over the past week that the survey was active, sorted by category:
Kpopalypse knows what you sneaky cao ni mas are really up to… and to think you all answered question 14 with “yes”, tsk tsk! It’s okay though, Kpopalypse forgives you and knows that you’re only human. Please now put away the lube just for the moment and continue to read the rest of these survey results.
Question 23: Would you be interested in daily/almost daily content if it was shorter, i.e video reviews and small opinion items similar to what other sites do, if it didn’t intrude on the existing longer content?
I’m leaning toward “no” personally (for the reasons shown) but I was curious as to what you readers thought. It seems that a lot of people would appreciate daily content, but it’s hardly a unanimous feeling – is it worth changing the way I do things? I’m thinking probably not, however maybe a small move in this direction (say, a weekly recap/review feature similar to what some other AKF authors do, but just for Kpopalypse blog only so as to prevent double-up) might be an idea. I’m still thinking about whether this is a good idea, so feel free to add your own thoughts about this below in the comments.
The answer was a free text field, but many responses were similar so I’ll briefly summarise the most popular types of response in pie-chart form:
People comparing Hyangni’s “Be My First Love” to Kyary Pamyu Pamyu were clearly getting swayed by how the video looked rather than how it sounded, Kyary’s strictly conservative J-pop-by-numbers sounds nothing like this! Mind you, I only asked for “Thoughts?” and didn’t specify whether I wanted you to talk about music or visuals, so it was a shit question really – hint, hint, ask.fm users. Personally I only like the song’s unusual turn at the two minute mark, the rest of it leaves me a bit cold, but then I’ve heard plenty of shittier songs released that year. Condolences to all the Germans who missed out on the fun thanks to GEMA, you’d think that country’s government would have learned something in the last century or so about controlling other people’s lives but I guess not.
Question 25: Crystal ball time, test your super future prediction skills! In 2018, how many members will EXO have?
Most of you weren’t very hopeful about EXO staying together, probably a reasonable assumption given the current rate of members leaving – or maybe it’s just wishful thinking from people who don’t like the group.
Question 26: Why is Kpopalypse so rude?
Many readers did their research on Kpopalypse and worked out that Australians are just all a bunch of cunts.
Thanks for completing the Kpopalypse survey!
This picture of cao ni mas experiencing cao ni ma love was included at this point in the survey to thank the 92% of readers who bravely slugged through the survey content.
Question 27: What was the most perplexing thing about this survey?
Hopefully this question was enough to motivate some of you to be more proactive about your life.
Question 28: If you have any other feedback for Kpopalypse that this survey didn’t give you the opportunity to give, please use the following text box to do so. This text box is optional. DISCLAIMER: feedback may be used for good or evil.
The final question wasn’t really a question, just an open-ended invitation for you to put down whatever you wanted, or even nothing at all. Some answers to your questions and concerns:
If you find, idk, some way to incorporate Red Velvet’s Dumb Dumb into a post, that’d be appreciated. – actually it’s been incorporated into quite a few Kpopalypse posts already, including this one!
I’m really hungry but I’m a poor NEET and the only thing I have is rocky road ice cream. Should I eat it? – Yes! Starvation could lead to death!
More interation with kpopfap subreddit. – Unforunately, posting my fap posts there probably doesn’t meet their rules.
I am a youtube whore, i click on all sorts of suggestions and recommendations in search of stuff i have never heard before. I have been consistently delighted by your nugu alerts. I could pretend, um, *remember* you care about feedback and suggest some myself. – anyone with suggestions for Nugu Alert, please use my ask.fm and don’t forget the Nugu Alert rules (less than 20,000 hits for any of the artist’s videos). If I don’t respond, don’t worry – that’s usually a good sign rather than a bad one, it means I’ve added your video to the list for consideration.
is it just me or was this survey shorter than the previous one? running out of questions? – it’s just you, but if you’re still not sure you can check here.
FUCKING REVIEW SOME JAPANESE ROCK BANDS, I TYPE THIS EVERY SURVEY GODDAMN – and I ignore it every survey for a reason, this isn’t j-rockalypse
You’re perfect. Don’t change. Stay golden, Ponyboy. – cheers!
I hate the rating stuff. I was on my phone and it took forever. – yeah I might completely scrap or at least reduce the number of ranking questions next time just because of their phone-unfriendliness. Sorry about that, I didn’t realise how much of a pain in the ass they were going to be.
This is “Netizens”. I don’t comment often, but thanks for the time you put into your articles and posts. That includes your comments on other websites like netizenbuzz. Watching those people get upset by your thoughts and logic is almost as enjoyable as this survey. Almost. – glad you’re enjoying my content!
why do all you people care about is sex and dirty side of kpop. You ruin it for people like me. Sorry. – sex isn’t dirty. Your attitude to sex has been corrupted by society. I’m trying to help you see the light. Don’t hate your natural bodily functions and desires, they are not dirty, they are in fact holy and should be celebrated.
Once again, thanks for all the trufax and extinguishing BS from the kpop fandom, plus fanfiction and other goodies. Also, I realized one reason I like your blog in particular: you might say that X song is bad, but you don’t say others have shit taste or make them feel bad for liking what you don’t like. So actually, you aren’t a rude cunt at all! Hahahaha. Others just need to lighten up and have a sense of humor. – trufax!
This is the only kpop blog (or any blog in fact) which I follow and routinely check for updates everyday. Btw, what does kpopalypse oppar think about his sasaengs?-KpopalypseSasaeng – I love you all! Just don’t mail me any menstrual products or stalk my dorm thank you.
More SJW content please. It’s hot reading you going all SJW-ish. That’s what I really fap to. I mean it. – I’ll see what I can do.
More T-ara. – Eunjung picture at the bottom of this post just for you.
I like hearing your opinions, not because I always agree with them, but because you actually have your own. Please continue never using the word slay. – thanks!
Fuck you – no u
Keep up the blog, it’s the best kpop related blog around. Special mention for the technical posts, something nobody else does (at least not in this way) and it’s really instructive for non-musician fans to learn and stop saying shit around and learning to recognize and judge properly the ones who do. Thanks! – cheers!
pls notice me oppa – you are officially noticed, feel free to now bask in the validation
Bring back Sulli_fag. – you’ll have to take that issue up with the Anti Kpop-Fangirl admin team, I’m only a writer on that site and I have no say in their author lineup or what gets posted besides what I post there myself.
This was my first Kpopalypse survey and it was a blast. Though we don’t agree on everything (I liked Orange Caramel’s Cookies Cream & Mint and K.Will+Mamamoo’s Peppermint Chocolate) your entertainment does meet required standards so it’s all good. Keep up the good work! – glad you enjoyed! There will be another survey like this every 6 months!
What are your thoughts on SHINee (both the members and their music)? – both of these topics have been covered in previous posts more than once, time to do some searching!
I wish you a day more pleasant than motorboating Hitomi Tanaka. – gosh, I’m honoured, this is possibly the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a survey! Thank you!
Thanks for staying woke, you keep me from getting too caught up in the glitz and mostly artificial happiness of the kpop world. I also appreciated how you included a question about supporting T-ARA and then slipped in the cha euntak thing in. I mean, you weren’t lying… there totally was a question about that later. Also, question 8 was really clever. I had fun answering this, so thanks, and have a nice day! – You’re welcome!
Thanks again to everyone who did the Kpopalypse 2015 End Of Year Caonima Activity Survey! Kpopalypse will return at a future date with more stuff and things!