It’s no secret that the Kpopalypse ask.fm has become ludicrously popular. When I started using ask.fm I just thought I’d get a couple questions a day about my blogging at the most, but those who follow it know that on a typical day I get inundated with dozens of questions. While it’s certainly very flattering (and weird) that people care so much about what I think about various trivial topics, it’s also very repetitive. I get asked the same questions all the time, so here’s a collection of the most common questions and answers, so I can save myself some typing in the future. If you’ve been linked here, the answer to your question is probably below!
I’ve decided to make this post separate from the FAQ. The Kpopalypse FAQ has questions and answers which are very relevant to Kpopalypse blog as a whole, this separate post is to cover those questions which really don’t belong in a FAQ as they’re fairly trivial and don’t have much to do with my blogging, but that still get asked a fuckload. This post may also get added to over time. Please now enjoy this question and answer selection!
What are your favourite k-pop groups?
When it comes to k-pop I’m really more into songs than groups, because the groups generally don’t write the songs.
Come on man, that’s a cop-out.
As far as music goes, certain groups have better hit-miss ratios than others, but that’s more luck/coincidence than anything else. The groups can’t really take the credit for that.
Girl groups with the best hit/miss ratios: T-ara, Orange Caramel, Crayon Pop, f(x) (before Sulli’s departure), Loona.
Boy groups with the best hit/miss ratios: (golden age era) BigBang, (early) 100%, SPEED, Infinite, History.
What about in terms of prettiness of the members?
Covered in the bias compendium.
What about the voices? Who’s your favourite vocalist? Do you like [singer x]’s voice?
No vocalfagging on my ask.fm, thank you.
What’s vocalfagging? Is that an anti-gay slur?
No. I love all my LGBTIQXYZABC brothers and sisters… unless they’re annoying vocalfaggots. See the Kpopalypse Lexicon for this and any other definitions of any confusing terms used by Kpopalypse.
What’s this k-pop “Golden Age”? When is it, and why is it a Golden Age?
2008-2011. More info here.
What is your favourite k-pop song?
What is your least favourite k-pop song?
So far I haven’t found any k-pop song worse than the #1 in this list.
Do you like J-pop?
No. It’s all hideously twee nonsense aimed squarely at the raincoat market.
What… none of it?
Okay, here’s one good j-pop song. That’s it. Everything else sucks donkey dicks.
Worth nothing that Japan is often quite good at all sorts of other genres… just not pop music. Generally speaking the weirder and more out-there the music style is, the better Japanese artists are at doing it… however Japan needs to stay as far the fuck away from commercial pop and rock music as humanly possible.
I do occasionally still listen to new j-pop and keep tabs on it just in case it stops sucking one day. Hasn’t happened yet, don’t hold out much hope. In the meantime don’t link me any.
Note that k-pop artists entering the j-pop market, I consider that stuff k-pop, not j-pop, because it’s being driven by the k-pop industry with a k-pop team behind everything, and as a result the quality is often (but not always) better.
Do you like Visual Kei?
I like X Japan. There’s one or two other Visual Kei artists that have an isolated good song or two. The rest is mostly nu-metal crap.
Do you like One OK Rock?
No. Boy do they suck! Japan’s Nickelback.
Do you like Babymetal?
I like the concept but I’m less keen on the actual music.
Do you like anime? What are some of your favourite animes?
There’s two types of anime that are worth bothering with:
- Miyazaki/Studio Ghibi stuff, which is generally acceptable
- Hentai (porn)
Everything else is rubbish. Anime always has the laziest-possible animation quality with every corner cut that can possibly be cut, universally horrible and always creepily misogynist characterisation and portrayal of any female characters, stupid plots that make no sense and always with lame “esoteric” endings, and poor writing all round. And yes I have seen all the supposed “classics” of the genre like Akira, Ghost In The Shell, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Perfect Blue, and many others… all absolute retarded fucking shit so don’t recommend me any more of it as I’ve wasted enough of my life watching the garbage and won’t waste any more. Miyazaki gets over the line because they actually put some effort into animating it, and sometimes the stories are sensible. Hentai also gets over the line because unlike regular anime at least hentai is honest about what it is when it’s portraying women. Honesty goes a long way.
I’ve also never understood why western k-pop fans like anime. They are two things with absolutely nothing in common other than that Asians are making them.
Do you like Korean dramas? What are some of your favourite Korean dramas?
I’ve tried watching a few of them but I always give up, they’re generally insipid and the Korean sense of humour is something that I can’t get with – they have to make every joke completely obvious like you’re a fucking idiot and won’t get the joke unless it’s repeated and/or massively exaggerated. The more serious dramas on the other hand I just find lame and boring. Even having a k-pop girl in them that I like doesn’t create enough motivation for me to watch Korean dramas.
What about Korean movies, then?
Koreans are quite good at making horror and action films, almost as good as Japan and definitely better than Hollywood (most places are). Oldboy is the classic Korean film of course and combines both action and horror elements, but there are many others, too many to list.
Also, Lies is a bizarre favourite and shows that Korea could have a great porn industry one day if they ever loosen the government restrictions a little (sadly unlikely).
What are your favourite Korean actresses?
I don’t really pay much attention to who is in which film. I’m sure there are other blogs out there that focus on this. My blogging has almost no actor/actress content because I don’t really care about the specific people, just if I enjoy the film or not.
What do you think about [insert shitty western pop/rock artist here]?
I don’t think about [insert shitty western pop/rock artist here]. You can usually safely assume this.
So what western artists DO you like?
When I was really young (pre-teen) the first music that I really liked was actually not pop music, but music that accompanied computer games on the Commodore 64, and also classical pieces that I’d play on the piano. I was oblivious to the fact that a lot of the time the computer game songs were actually reconfigured instrumental versions of western pop songs, but hearing these probably gave me the ear for listening to melody/harmony/rhythm/texture first rather than lyrics first. Later on I found actual pop music via Saturday morning TV where the weekly Top 40 would be broadcast, my first pop faves were Australian groups Icehouse and INXS, and later on in high school I discovered hard rock like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, and then later heavy metal and rap, and then other styles from there such as experimental and industrial music. Becoming a DJ at a radio station also broadened my musical horizons considerably, because once that happened people would send me music all the time (this was before the Internet meant that anybody could access just about any music at any time).
If there’s a common thread between all the different music I listen to and like it’s probably some form of “extremity” – consistently applied sound in a particular direction. K-pop appeals to me more if it’s extremely poppy just like metal appeals more if it’s extremely heavy – tapping that vein of “what makes something more of what it is, and less of what it is not” is part of the appeal. K-pop is at its worst when it’s a bland haphazard genre mush. Metal is at its worst when it’s soft and limp, or so messy and distorted that nothing solid can be discerned. Rap is at its worst when it’s smooth, nice and offensive to nobody. Industrial music is at its worst when it tries to incorporate pop or metal elements to the extent that the core industrial sound is diluted. Etc.
Ten favourite non k-pop albums in no particular order (because you guys like lists), with tracks linked from each one:
Celtic Frost – Into The Pandemonium
Mobb Deep – Hell On Earth
Swans – White Light From The Mouth Of Infinity
Ministry – Psalm 69
Current 93 – Soft Black Stars
This Mortal Coil – It’ll End In Tears
Darkthrone – A Blaze In The Northern Sky
Anti-Nowhere League – We Are … The League
Front Line Assembly – Caustic Grip
Lolita Storm – Girls Fucking Shit Up
Far from a complete list, I could have made this a lot longer.
That list isn’t very pop though. What is some more pop type stuff that you like?
Some more albums that I like, this time pop (sort of):
Also, all Australians like Queen and ABBA, this is mandatory for all citizens.
What do you think about Sia Furler?
Sia gets a special mention because she’s a pop performer who comes from my town and presumably for this reason I get asked about her at least once a month. I saw her old band Crisp in the 90s a few times (not by choice), they were popular locally and had a couple albums out which sucked. They were fucking boring as shit. Nothing she’s done since has changed my opinion of her music since, none of which is as horrible as Crisp was, but none of which I’d exactly call “good” or listen to by choice. Also I never saw any of this supposed “public anxiety” business from her back when I used to see her around, in fact quite the opposite. She was always quite outgoing on stage and wouldn’t perform live with her back turned like she does now, so either something really fucked with her head between then and now or that’s just some quirky marketing bullshit.
What do you think about Beyonce/Mariah Carey/Whitney Houston/[insert western singer known for their vocal prowess here]?
Absolute dogshit, some of the worst music on earth. Oh, except Mariah’s “Without You”, which is okay. Everything else is awful.
What do you think about Madonna?
Her music is very hit-and-miss but conceptually she’s a very important influence on k-pop (read more here). Best albums would be Like A Prayer, Bedtime Stories, Ray Of Light, rest of her albums have too many dud songs to be worth bothering with.
What do you think about Taylor Swift?
I like “Love Story”, all her other songs are meh at best.
What rappers do you like?
Aside from the Mobb Deep album above which hasn’t been topped in the genre I like Necro, Ill Bill, (early) Wu-Tang, (early) Public Enemy, Ice-T, lots of others. Anything that has hard beats is a good start – I got into rap through my interest in metal and the styles share a common thread (the primacy of rhythm over melody). Rap doesn’t need soft weak pop/p-funk/R&B concessions and lame singsongy choruses, rap needs to go hard or go home. Lyrics that are extremely violent or insane or overtly sexual are also a bonus, “socially conscious” rap is mostly a total waste of time.
What do you think about Eminem?
An undeniably skilled MC but I find him annoying to listen to just because of the sound of his voice and the way he emphasises rhyming words. Just a personal preference. For a similar-sounding MC that I actually prefer to listen to I’d probably pick Madchild from Swollen Members.
Do you rap?
Not currently. I made a promise to my current girlfriend that I would never rap. It’s bad enough that she has to put up with me liking k-pop.
What do you think about The Beatles?
I thought they were okay in their early days when they were basically a pop group. Later on when they grew their hair and got into transcendental meditation I thought the music went completely to shit, I think “Sgt. Peppers” album and everything after it is total crap. One of the only things I ever agreed with my mother about regarding music.
Is it true that your mother looks like Boram? Can I see a picture?
Yes, it is true. Of course you can see a picture! Here it is:
As you can see the resemblance is very close.
What’s your ancestry?
German on my father’s side, Chinese, English and Irish on my mother’s side.
Your name is really clever. How did you come up with it?
While joking around with a friend at the radio station, I referred to my sudden addition of several k-pop releases into the station record library at once as a “kpopalypse”, in reference to the idea that other DJs would be generally unhappy about it (as my station doesn’t focus on pop music generally – many of the DJs there hate commercial pop and like other styles). A few months later when I started the radio show I remembered the name and used it, I’m not sure exactly where I got the idea from, but I was probably thinking of the film “Apocalypse Now“.
How old are you?
Old enough to know better than to give out my age on the Internet, but too young to care if that bothers you.
Are you married?
No, but I’m in a long-term relationship. Get in the queue.
Do you have children?
No. I don’t think the world will ever be ready for the kind of children that I would produce. There’s enough people on the planet anyway fucking things up, I feel that it would be selfish for me to create more of them to fuck things up further.
I know everything about you! [insert links to scandalous doxx here]
Believe it or not, I don’t have a secret identity. All of my personal details are public and easily accessible through my Facebook page which you can find a link to via the radio show page. I even use my real name on there. I’ve never understood why people bother to “doxx” me, there’s really nothing to see that my own writing plus a Google search won’t tell you.
Why don’t you ever post links about your own music or other activities that you’re involved in?
I don’t want to use my blogging as a vehicle for self-promotion, I like to keep the blogging and the music and other work stuff that I do completely separated. Nothing to do with secrecy, it’s more out of respect for my readers. I’ve seen too many blogs that make really interesting points and then piss in the bathwater by finishing up with “oh and by the way I’m a recording artist and here’s what I do and here’s some other stuff that I also do and here’s where you can buy my stuff and here’s how you can help me make money, please support me”. Cracked has quite a few cringeworthy articles like that and it’s just insulting. What I do shouldn’t matter that much to people anyway, besides the stuff which is obviously relevant for the more industry-focused and “technical” posts.
If you’re against making money, why do you have a Patreon?
I’m not against making money, I’m just against making money using the clickbait-and-switch tactics described above. I do definitely appreciate the people who support Kpopalypse by giving money and I’ve used this money to remove advertising and make the site more entertaining and caonimaish.
Are you an alpaca?
I am if you want me to be – however the alpaca is actually symbolic of freedom of expression. No it is not a reference to Amber of f(x), she may call herself a llama or whatever but I don’t care about that, the real alpaca in f(x) isn’t her.
Are you really a sad old man with no life?
No because this would make it impossible for me to also be an alpaca.
Are you a pedophile who is into k-pop for underaged girls?
No. All of my biases are over legal age.
Why are you such a cunt?
To annoy you.
I think the word “cunt” is offensive, why do you use it all the time?
It’s a lower-class Australian thing. Us cunts like the word “cunt” a lot.
How can you claim to know stuff about the music industry when you’re just a guitar teacher?
I’ve worked and continue to work in many different music industry related fields! Yes I teach guitar but it’s not my only gig. It’s possible – and in fact exceptionally common – for people in the music business to generate income through more than one method!
Do you like sport?
I’m a musician – sport is against my religion.
What headphones do you recommend?
For listening and general purpose, my radio station uses the AKG K-77 which are nice and lightweight, sound okay, and cheap. For mixing – don’t mix on headphones, get studio monitors. I don’t recommend any specific brand of studio monitors, there are many good ones.
What do you think about illegal downloading?
I don’t really like it, but you kids will insist on doing it to the point where now the horse has well and truly bolted on this issue and it’s pointless even caring about it. We can’t put the technology genie back in the box, you might as well just download whatever. I wouldn’t feel too bad about it, in k-pop the actual music really isn’t where the money is made anyway, k-pop companies have pretty much just accepted that you will either pirate the music or stream it for a tiny fraction of what they used to be able to sell it for. That’s why k-pop is so interested in selling the idols, not the music. More info here.
How come you recently said [statement x] when in a previous post you also said [statement y which contradicts statement x]?
It could be that my opinion has changed over time – opinions have a way of doing that. Or perhaps statements X and Y aren’t as contradictory as they appear and contain subtleties that you haven’t perceived. Or perhaps I was trolling you or taking the piss with statement X but serious with statement Y, or vice versa. Or perhaps I’m a massive hypocrite. Pick one.
Why don’t you have Instagram?
Actually I do have Instagram but I just use it to follow people. I lack the determination to take the minimum required amount of photographs of my meals to have any pictures of my own.
Why is your Twitter mainly just ask.fm reposts?
I don’t really give much of a fuck about Twitter or social networks in general. Ask.fm is useful because it’s good for people to ask me shit. Facebook is useful because it’s a good place to collect radio show requests. I haven’t found a really good use for Twitter yet.
Do you play video games? Which ones?
Yes. I play League Of Legends quite a bit, and although I’m not very good at it I do enjoy it. Username is Kpopalypse and I play Oceania region servers only, feel free to add. I main support! I like lots of other games too, other favourite for now is PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds. I grew up with the Commodore 64 so I have an affinity with gaming, although I lack skill due to being old as fuck and having shit reflexes plus colour-blindness. I also have a Steam group called Caonimas, join if you want!
Are you really colour blind? What’s that like?
It’s just like being not colour blind except you can’t see colour properly. More info and answers to your further colour blindness questions here.
Are you really bald?
Almost completely, yes. I have alopecia which is a medical condition where hair randomly falls out. It’s not like the pattern baldness that old men get, it looks very different.
Do you livestream?
Yes! More info here.
Why do Reddit hate you?
I don’t know, but a lot of them they definitely do!
Do you hate Netizenbuzz?
No. I just boycott them because I have standards. Learn more about Kpopalypse boycotts here.
Does NB meet required standards?
Not my type. I prefer Martina!
Do you really think Martina is hot or are you just taking the piss?
I really think Martina is hot. Simon gave off a bit of a gay vibe when I first saw him so I initially hoped that their coupling was a lavender marriage and I was in with a shot. However on further investigation I noticed that Simon’s pretty good at trying to get Martina to show her tits in a positive light for the camera when the opportunity presents itself which is exactly what I would do in his shoes, so I think we’re actually pretty much on the same page there. That’s a shame because it probably means I’ll never get to feel those boobs, but if Simon is feeling them for me it’s kind of like I’m there in spirit.
Who is your bias in [girl group that has recently debuted]?/What do you think of the attractiveness of [person X in a recently debuted girl group]?
I pretty much never have biases in new groups simply because it takes a very long time for me to get familiar with individual members. Also the members often look better to me as they age. There’s no point in asking this question.
Who is your bias in [girl group]?/What do you think of [person X in a girl group]?
A comprehensive bias list for many girl groups is here. Sometimes I update it, but not often, for the reason stated above. As it takes a very long time (several years) for me to start caring about girls in groups, the updates are infrequent.
Who is your bias in [boy group]?/What do you think of [person X in a boy group]?
The only Kpopalypse bias for any boy groups or male k-pop performers of any kind is Super Junior’s Shindong.
Would you ever consider v-logging like Eat Your Kimchi?
I’ve thought about ways to incorporate self-made video content into my blogs for a while now but each time I think about it, I usually just end up thinking “I could just do the same thing more effectively in writing somehow”. That’s not to say that I’m ruling it out, just that I can’t think of a really compelling reason to do it. Also I’m not really a fan of v-logs, plus my bald head isn’t as interesting as Martina’s boobs… well, not to me, anyway. The closest I’ll probably ever come to v-logging is the Kpopalypse tabs series.
How can you honestly say that [idol X] is prettier than [idol Y]?
How can you honestly not realise that sexual tastes are subjective?
Do you think [idol X] has gotten prettier?
Who knows, I don’t care whether people get surgery really. It would be nice if we lived in a world where everyone was happy enough with their appearance where they didn’t feel the need to get surgery, but at the same time it’s their body so whatever.
Are you looking forward to or excited by the news of [upcoming debut or comeback by X]?
No, I don’t look forward to anything. I wait until it happens before I decide if I’m excited about it or not.
Are there any k-pop remixes that you like?
No! They are all garbage, every single one. No exceptions, now or ever. Horrible k-pop remixes generally fall into two categories:
- Remixes that are scarcely different from the original except for a different few bars in a small section of the song (T-ara repackages are particularly guilty of this).
- Remixes that butcher the harmony and backing of the original song to such and extent that the appeal of the original is lost (i.e the always-disgusting Aeria remixes and others).
What do you think about the teaser video by [X]?
I don’t watch teaser videos. Music videos are really advertisements, so teasers are advertisements for advertisements and so I feel like an idiot for watching them. Half of the time the actual song sounds nothing like the teaser anyway. Wake me when the full video comes out and not before.
What’s your opinion about [k-pop scandal X]?
I don’t care about scandals.
What do you think about [album/album track] by [k-pop group X]?
Even though I own many k-pop albums it’s mainly for DJ purposes, I very rarely get to listen to albums all the way through, so the answer is probably “I don’t know I haven’t heard it yet”. More about how I feel about k-pop albums here.
What does [phrase, term or statement that Kpopalypse doesn’t use] mean?
I don’t know, ask [the person who uses that statement].
What does [phrase, term or statement that Kpopalypse DOES use] mean?
Check the Kpopalypse Lexicon for the meaning of unusual terminology used by Kpopalypse.
[a question or statement about the motivation of the actions, statements or behaviour of a person who is not Kpopalypse]
Ask/tell them, not me.
Thoughts? [insert link here]
I have a question about the Kpopalypse roundup series.
Answer to the most common questions about this popular weekly Kpopalypse series are here.
I have a question and it’s not here.
You could try the FAQ.
I already looked at the FAQ and it’s not there either.
Well I don’t mind if you ask it via ask.fm, maybe your question will end up in an edited version of this post, which will be added to over time as more questions become common! If it’s a long-form question, a potentially controversial question that ask.fm may filter out, or a question which might need a longer answer, I would recommend asking it via the QRIMOLE question box instead. A new QRIMOLE answer post is posted near the start of each month.