The Kpopalypse Lexicon

Are you confused about some of the imagery and terminology used by Kpopalypse? Having trouble differentiating your Cao Lu from your Cao Ni Ma? Ever scratched your head when Kpopalypse referred to something that didn’t seem to make any sense at all? Never fear because the Kpopalypse Lexicon is here to the rescue, to explain all those confusing terms just for you!

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Believe it or not, I never deliberately set out to write posts in a way that was enigmatic or confusing for anybody, but as the k-pop cultural references and in-jokes piled up, it was inevitable that the site took on its own kind of secret language. This might be alienating for new readers though, so isn’t it nice that I’m here to clarify things for them – yes it is. Some general k-pop knowledge terms and facts that will also ease understanding of Kpopalypse.com for newcomers to both Kpopalypse and k-pop in general are thrown in as well, just for good measure. The Kpopalypse Lexicon is my best friend, is the Kpopalypse Lexicon your best friend?

THE KPOPALYPSE LEXICON

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Aegyo – a Korean term that means “acting cute”, and using cute mannerisms.  Commonly a performance requirement for k-pop idols, both male and female.

Ailee – pictured above.  A solo k-pop singer who was the target of a revenge-porn career takedown attempt by The Great Satan.  As one of the very few genuinely high-skilled singers in k-pop, Ailee has been featured on the site often due to her relevance to vocalfags.

Amy – fictional EXO fangirl/guest author at Kpopalypse.com, who appeared as the author of a fanfiction and roundups for April Fools 2016.

Annie – non-fictional k-pop fan, who currently stans Taeyeon, IU and WJSN’s Luda.  Is referenced in some Kpopalypse posts (most notably, the review of Taeyeon’s “Four Seasons” on the 2019 favourites list) as a means to highlight certain aspects of reader and fandom behaviours.  Twitter here, Soundcloud here.

Anti Kpop-Fangirl – a site that I once wrote for, which is now defunct.  You can visit it here, and I recommend that you do so.  Strange and mysterious as it may seem, I was only one of many writers at Anti Kpop-Fangirl.  There were many other writers, with many other opinions, sometimes the same as my own, sometimes not.  Know this as trufax.

April Fools – Kpopalypse has delivered April Fools content in the following years:

2015: Kpopalypse Nugu Alert: Extreme Edition – an episode of the Nugu Alert series that focused on artists that were not nugu
2016: Xiumin And Chanyeol get buckwild (while I watch)  – a fanfiction written by fictional EXO fangirl Amy
2017: Kpopalypse Interview: Ashley (Ladies Code) – Ashley from Ladies Code ran a brief Q&A from her Twitter account, and Kpopalypse publicly sent her several questions, as did many others. Ashley never replied to any of the questions from Kpopalypse, so readers were given the opportunity to reply to the questions posed to Ashley, these answers make up the interview responses.
2019: site rebranding to Jpopalypse
2021: site rebranding to Wonhopopalypse
2022: Kpopalypse Fashion Class: Karina – a guide for readers on reducing bustiness (every other fashion class post prior to 2022 is about increasing bustiness)

ARMYs – fans of k-pop group BTS.  Known for their erratic behaviour which includes death threats, violence and spamming “Any ARMYs Here?” everywhere possible on the Internet.  The fanfiction “Any Armys Here?” explores the scary potential of ARMYs in greater detail.

Asian Junkie – a site that I once wrote for.  You can visit it here, and I recommend that you do so (using an adblocker is recommended, Kpopalypse recommends Ublock Origin for Firefox or Chrome).  Strange as it may seem, I was only one of many writers at Asian Junkie.  There are many other writers, with many other opinions, sometimes the same as my own, sometimes not.  Know this as trufax.

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Bad Meaning Good – part of CL from 2NE1’s iconic spoken-word breakdown in her solo debut song “The Baddest Female“.  If bad means good, then by logical conclusion, the worst song ever is the best song ever, which means that CL’s debut is the second-best k-pop song ever made. Click here for more great songs released that year.

Bad Thoughts Room – a hypothetical room that exists inside many k-pop agencies where idols are told to stand and look at a wall for hours or do other punitive tasks as punishment/reformation for having thoughts not approved by their company.  Often featured in Kpopalypse fanfiction.

([X] Is My) Best Friend, Is [X] Your Best Friend? – iconic line uttered by Tiffany, member of Girls’ Generation, when her group won Best Music Video at the YouTube Awards in 2013.  Tiffany exclaimed “YouTube is my best friend, is YouTube your best friend?” to a nonplussed audience who mostly didn’t even know who she was let alone have any chance of comprehending the sheer density of air-headed cheesiness in her acceptance speech.

Betsy – author/ex-author at Asian Junkie, who has collaborated with Kpopalypse.  In the interests of balancing the need to respect Betsy’s privacy and provide visually similar content to an actual Betsy appearance, images of Hitomi Tanaka are used to represent Betsy. However Betsy is real.  Her social networking details tend to be in a constant state of flux, approach Kpopalypse for these details if required.

BGP – Business Gay Performance. This is NOT an invention of Kpopalypse, but an official term used in the Korean entertainment business to refer to straight members of k-pop boy groups going “gay for pay” by doing gay fanservice content. The term was famously used in a press release for a k-drama starring members of the buy group OnlyOneOf.

Bias – k-pop individuals to whom preference is shown, the only important preference for Kpopalypse purposes being fapability.

Blackjack – a fan of k-pop girl group 2NE1. Once a target for derision as Blackjacks tended to actually believe YG Entertainment’s wacky marketing, now hardly relevant as there are probably only a few of them left.

Black Ocean – refers to k-pop fans in an audience turning off their lightsticks to show disapproval for a performer or group, because they’re too weak to throw rocks or bottles.  Only one confirmed black ocean exists in k-pop history, which I have discussed previously at length here. The group involved, Girls’ Generation, went on to become the most successful girl group in k-pop history to date, which just goes to show that k-pop fans are as dumb as they are powerless.

Block B – boy group favoured by Netizenbuzz for stanning/contextualising purposes. Read more here.

Block B mirror – a reference to the mirror in this fanfiction, which Block B fans took surprisingly well, proving that they are generally more rational on average than Blackjacks.

Bom (Realdoll) – singer for k-pop girl group 2NE1.  Often mentioned with the “Realdoll” suffix attached due to her sexy resemblance to the popular life-size sex doll brand.  Many speculate that this is due to plastic surgery but it is possible that Bom just got prettier.

Boram/My Mother – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group T-ara.  Similarities between Boram and my mother include facial features, height, dancing ability, hairstyle choice, clothing choice, interest in Buddhist philosophy and aptitude at cooking chicken.  As a result it is difficult to tell Boram and my mother apart in many circumstances, including the above picture which could easily be either of them.

Boram ESP powers – my mother claimed during her life that she had ESP (extra-sensory perception – the power to predict the future), as her son I can only presume that this has been passed down to myself.  Since 2014 I have used these powers to anually predict the future of k-pop in a yearly prediction post which appears each November.

Bread Shuttle – targets of bullying in the Korean school system.  The term comes from bullies forcing students to buy bread from a local shop and bring it back within an unrealistically short timeframe – when the victims invariably fail, punishment is given.  Other types of “shuttlers” also exist but the term “bread shuttle” in Kpopalypse.com can refer to any type of shuttler.

BTS is not k-pop – according to some members of their own fanbase, k-pop group BTS is in fact not a k-pop group.  Although this isn’t particularly logical, Kpopalypse is happy to run with this observation as trufax if it saves him effort in reviewing anything BTS-related, conveniently highlighting the stupidity of some BTS fans at the same time.

Bullying – an activity that many k-pop fans love and participate in on a regular basis, this is obvious by the way they comment in online articles, making extra effort to always victimise celebrities who are females and younger and therefore weaker, softer targets – a common bullying pattern is to pick on the weak.  Since many k-pop fans probably also experience bullying, this site has a help post for bullying victims.

Buttplug – any mention of buttplugs on Kpopalyspe.com is a reference to the bullying rumours surrounding k-pop girl group Lovelyz, where it was alleged that Seo Jisoo was (among about 57 other things) an inserter of buttplugs into the anuses of other girls.  This laughable and obviously fake rumour was later proven false, surprising nobody with a brain but also sadly robbing the k-pop world of its first GG Allin.

Buzzfeed Of K-pop – Kpopalypse term for Koreaboo, a k-pop news website that has become notorious for posting cheap and morally sketchy low-content click-bait list articles, as well as hard-spamming articles for ad revenue specifically to profit off an artist’s death.

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Calmly Accept – reference to KARA’s press release declaring their enthusiasm for the entrance of new group member Youngji.  Kpopalypse believes that it is important to calmly accept many things in life, such as death, taxes, unrequited love and whatever horrible trend-riding song your favourite idols are releasing this week.

Cao Ni Ma – can refer to “fuck your mother/motherfucker”, Sulli from k-pop girl group f(x), and/or the “Grass Mud Horse”, as discussed in-depth here.  Also refers to the Kpopalypse fandom i.e Caonimas.

CBF – Can’t Be Fucked.  How Kpopalypse feels about a lot of things.

CF – Commercial film.  A TV advertisement, and where k-poppers make a large percentage of their money (discussed here).

Chanmi – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group AOA (Ace Of Angels).  Referred to by some as “Fat Chanmi” but that’s just the fatness of the layers of clothing combined with the fatness of your skull.  People are just jealous because the pretty girls are AOA.

Chiki chika chu – see feel like a shark.

Chuu – member of k-pop group Loona, known for her extreme aegyo and widely speculated lesbianism.  Often paired with Loona’s Yves due to her company implying this very pairing in the video for Chuu’s “Heart Attack“, often highlighted by Kpopalypse as an example of lesbian dog-whistle.  The Chuu/Yves pairing is the theme of the Try Not To Have Gay Sex With Yves computer game series.

Chuu+ – a Twitter web robot written by Kpopalypse with assistance from Twitter user @KardOnIce, and named after Loona’s Chuu.  This robot crawls through search terms that people use to find Kpopalypse.com and randomly retweets them on its own specialised Twitter account.  More information here.

Classy-Sexy – means “sexy in a subtle way” to most people, but when used by Kpopalypse means “rape”.  The origin of this term comes from second-generation k-pop fans criticising more “traditionally sexy” performers such as Hyuna, AOA, etc for being “too sexual”, yet at the same time holding Gain from Brown Eyed Girls up as an example of “sexy but classy” even though non-consent is a repeated theme in her music videos.  Therefore the term is used to highlight the hypocrisy and double-standards k-pop fans have towards the portrayal of women and sexual content, and how these double standards are fueled by their own susceptibility to marketing plus their biases and assumptions about who is “classy” or “slutty” vs any objective reality.

Clout is what people who haven’t achieved anything with their lives think they get if they get noticed on the Internet. I hate the word too! – a statement said by Kpopalypse in his interview with Fiestar’s Cheska.  Due to the incredible truth of this statement, it has become very popular on Kpop Reddit discord, where it is repeated often in honour of Kpopalypse’s commitment to trufax.

Clyde – a reference to Elon Musk. Comes from one of Azalea Banks’ finer social networking moments where she referred to the billionaire and Loona stan as “apartheid Clyde“, a reference to his history selling emeralds from his father’s African emerald mine.

Coffee Filter Changer – when used in Kpopalypse’s writing, a reference to the idea that people tend to talk up their music industry experience in unrealistic and exaggerated ways in order to seem more connected into the music industry than they really are.  For instance, if you were the cleaner in a music studio, you could change the coffee filters in the studio coffee machine.  Then you can tell all of your friends that you “worked in a music studio” or put that on your resume.  They will then (hopefully) think you did something big and impressive, they won’t know that you know nothing about music or sound and all you did was change the coffee filter, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them.

Conceptual Continuity – phrase coined by Frank Zappa to describe the repeated use of certain motifs or statements specifically employed to unify a collection of artistic or literary work.  This Lexicon is essentially a collection of conceptual continuity artifacts.

Confirmation Bias – an extremely common thought pattern among modern Internet users, and especially k-pop fans.  It refers to when people decide the result of their “research” before they even undertake any, and therefore then only collect information that reinforces their pre-existing belief.  In the meantime they filter out or automatically dismiss any data that might contradict their beliefs, challenge their point of view or make them feel uncomfortable.  Explained in more detail here.

(Made a little) Cookie, come and take a lookie, baked at my place only, come get some – lyrics from the song “Cookie” by NewJeans, variations of this will turn up in various Kpopalypse posts as a way to highlight k-pop dog-whistle content

The ADOR team didn’t take any issue with the lyrics to “Cookie” when we were making the album because our vision for original and wholesome music was crystal clear to us – part of a long-winded statement that NewJeans’ company ADOR made to refute claims of their sexualisation of the underage members of NewJeans.  You can read the full statement here.  Variations of this statement are often deployed by Kpopalypse to highlight the keenness of k-pop agencies to deflect moral responsibility for their actions.

CSJH The Grace – a gospel-themed female k-pop group, active on SM Entertainment for a very brief period in the mid-2000s that nobody remembers specifically.  Kpopalypse speculates that SM Entertainment’s pushing of a gospel-themed group as their flagship girl group only translated to a tiny fringe of international k-pop audiences and may have stalled the Hallyu wave by a few years.  The timely demise of this group and the ascent of the much more successful Girls’ Generation marked the start of k-pop’s first golden age.

CUMRAG – Highly successful k-pop boy group on the Woollim Entertainment label.  More info here.

C-word – the c-word is “clout”.  Considered a slur on Kpopalypse.com, Kpopalyspe tries to discourage people from caring about clout, because clout is what people who haven’t achieved anything with their lives think they get if they get noticed on the Internet. I hate the word too!

Cyberbullying – regular bullying, but over the Internet.  A favourite sport of netizens, especially netizens who are bully victims in real life and looking for an outlet for their inner angst.

Cyclops – see Jiyeon.

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Dara – pictured above.  Singer for k-pop girl group 2NE1.  Gosh, that background is pretty, don’t you think?

Dara+ – cybernetic computer simulation of Dara.  More info here.

Determination – a very important quality to have in any workplace scenario, such as being a member of a k-pop group.  The word “determination” was made iconic by k-pop girl group T-ara who righteously and correctly told their ex-member Hwayoung off for “lack of determination”, due to her not performing due to a leg injury.  Hwayoung lied about the injury’s severity, pretending that she had to go home to rest it and then skipping off to the beauty shop to get her nails done while the rest of T-ara sweated it out onstage trying to cover her parts.  The rest of T-ara let Hwayoung know how they felt about her “difference in determination levels” via Twitter later, Hwayoung was then removed from the group for not meeting required standards.  Of course, Koreans being the laziest workers in all OECD countries sympathised with Hwayoung because they could relate more to Hwayoung’s laziness than the notoriously hard-working remaining T-ara members, and then proceeded to attempt to wreck T-ara’s career with fake bullying rumours.   Of course lazy people can’t do anything right, so inevitably Korean netizen cyberbullying pressure tactics failed and the truth was revealed.

Detox – never-to-be-released album by rapper Dr. Dre.  In an interview, AOA’s Jimin claimed to be influenced by this album, which would make her the only person on the planet other than Dr. Dre to have even heard it.  Kpopalypse speculates that Jimin hearing this album means that she has secret knowledge and understands rap music better than anyone else on the planet… possibly including Dr. Dre himself.

DiCaprio Syndrome – any male cast in a role in a movie or music video where they are supposed to be tough, bad-ass or wise, but look far too young, fresh-faced or daft for the part.  The term comes from the film Titanic where Leonardo DiCaprio was cast as a world-weary traveler despite looking like he’d just graduated from Silver Spoons High.

Dog-whistle – a dog whistle is a whistle of a frequency that dogs can hear but humans cannot.  A “dog-whistle message” in a k-pop song, or MV, movie or anything else is a message that is targeted specifically at a certain section of the audience and that only they can fully understand, while the rest of the audience may instead perceive a completely different message… or no message at all.  Explained in more detail here and here.

Do Not Think The Bad Thoughts – when compiling big boobs in k-pop guide part 5, Kpopalypse tried not to think any erotic thoughts about Shannon Williams (who is woke), as he didn’t want to upset her.

Drama reviews – Kpopalypse doesn’t watch or review Korean dramas but sometimes reviews JAV as if they were Korean dramas, in the hope of broadening the minds and hearts of more sexually conservative k-pop followers.

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Eat Your Kimchi – sometimes shortened to “EYK”.  A v-logging duo that was both loved and hated in approximately equal measure by k-pop fans.  Martina was the first person to score 10/10 in the popular Kpopalypse boobs rankings.  Eat Your Kimchi is now defunct as the duo moved to Japan, where they continued as “Eat Your Sushi” for a while before Simon and Martina eventually divorced.

Environment – references to environmental issues on this site usually have the grammar deliberately butchered as an indicator that our passion for saving the planet transcends petty grammatical concerns.  Also see “(a) k-pop“.

Eunjung – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group T-ara.  As the person in k-pop most heavily targeted by obviously fake bullying rumours, Eunjung’s image has been co-opted by Kpopalypse as a symbol of anti-confirmation bias and pro-rational thinking.

Expect Us Fondly – the phrase “expect us fondly” doesn’t come from anywhere specific but similar statements are often used at the end of cringeworthy press releases by k-pop groups who are hyping up their audience in anticipation of a forthcoming music video, concert or other activity.  Variations of this message are often used by Kpopalypse to lampoon the superficial cheesiness and ultra-vapidity of many aspects of k-pop culture.

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Faggot Bitch – an iconic phrase coined by Zico of Block B in his rap song “Tough Cookie“.  Don’t worry kids – he’s not anti-gay! According to Netizenbuzz, “Faggot” just means “loser” or “idiot”, and he was only using it in a musical sense, so it’s totally acceptable to say “faggot bitch” at any moment.  Getting offended about it is just getting a bit carried away, after all who would be offended by the word “loser”?  Feel free to use the phrase “faggot bitch” informally with friends, lovers and acquaintances as well as in polite company, when landing that important business deal, to lighten the mood at the dinner table with your significant other’s parents, when ordering food from a flight attendant or at any other moment.  Gosh, it’s good that Netizenbuzz has explained this clearly so nobody hates on Zico, the poor kid had enough pressure from all those people upset about his Confederate-flag-waving and golden phone use.

Fangirl/fanboy – people who follow k-pop and idolise k-pop idols to the point of irrationality.  The adulation is superficial and fickle in nature, thus fangirls/fanboys are easily capable of turning their opinion on a dime, suddenly hating their previously loved idols when they are revealed to be normal humans instead of the flawless angelic creations from heaven that they imagine them as.  Fangirl/boyism is a symptom of mental illness and entire websites have been devoted to helping those in the most need.

Fanfiction – fiction story written by a k-pop fan, usually about their favourite k-pop idols.  Always crap, because the stories are either just erotic wish-fulfillment, or tend to focus on making the idol seem glorious, attractive, cool or Mary Sue instead of actually telling a decent story that somebody would want to read.  Kpopalypse writes fiction partly as a way to explain realities and potentialities of the k-pop world and its fans, and partly as a way to counterbalance the typical insipid crappy fanfiction that abounds elsewhere on the Internet.

Fap – masturbation.  Fapping is healthy, fun and also useful for personal sexual research purposes which will pay off later in life (if you can’t get yourself off, how is anyone else expected to know how to?).  Kpopalypse supports fapping.

Fapability – the ease at which one can fap to the thoughts and/or image of an individual.  Those with high fapability levels meet required standards.

Far eyes – k-pop idols who have their eyes set far apart from each other.  Notable examples: Girls’ Generation’s Taeyeon, Twice’s Dahyun, 2NE1’s CL.  Kpopalypse considers “far eyes” to be an attractive trait.  Kpopalypse also forsees a future in which Korean social status will be separated by eye distance, resulting in eventual war between the “far eyes” and “near eyes“.

Feel like a shark chiki chika chu – iconic line from the song “Shark” by k-pop group Oh My Girl, this line comprised the chorus hook of the song and is notable for its nonsensical lyrics as well as the general tunelessness with which it is delivered (in a semi-spoken chant style, which isn’t quite rap, but isn’t singing either).  Used by Kpopalypse in various contexts to highlight k-pop’s general disconnect with effective melody usage, English comprehension, basic common sense, or any combination of these three.

Fei – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group miss A, who have four members, three of whom are not Suzy.

Fender Rhodes – the Fender Rhodes electric keyboard, commonly used in slower ballads and R&B songs in k-pop, to consistently negative effect.  More information here.

53.1kg – a reference in the fanfic “Any Armys Here?” to freakishly thin beauty standards in k-pop for female idols. Girls in the world of k-pop who weigh this weight or above might find themselves the target of unpleasant ostracision and intense company and peer pressure.

Fly, fly, you have a wing – iconic line from the song “Roopretelcham” by k-pop group Rumble-G.  Used by Kpopalypse to highlight the common theme of “aspirational” lyrics and ideology in k-pop, where groups who are very new or unknown with little objective hope for success are often are brainwashed into optimism to the point where they have lyrics referencing their own extremely wishful and unrealistic hope/struggles.  (Also sometimes used in the same context as feel like a shark chiki chika chu, or a combination.)

Force-roll – similar to a “Rick-roll”, being directed under false pretenses to a video of A Force’s debut song “Wonder Woman“, one of the worst k-pop songs of all time.

Fourth Wall Of Fap – refers to the theater term “the fourth wall“.  When the “fourth wall of fap” is broken, it means that the fantasy that you’re fapping to starts to lose credibility, usually due to elements which detract from the fantasy’s constructed illusion of authenticity.  Discussed further here.

Frenchface – mocking French people by donning the stereotypical costume of a French person for the purposes of (deliberate or accidental) ridicule.  Utilised in an article by Kpopalypse “Why it’s not okay to wear Frenchface (ever)“, where several examples of Frenchface by Korean pop idols are given.  This article has the dubious distinction of being the most virally popular Kpopalypse article ever.

Fu Yaning goes up, and you don’t – Fu Yaning was a contestant on Korean TV idol competition show Girls Planet 999.  Her insult on the show “we go up, and you don’t” was directed at CLC’s Yujin and highly controversial at the time, but it was later revealed that they were friends.  The insult was part of show producer MNet’s scripting, something everyone should have seen coming given that MNet were/are notorious for “evil editing” and inserting fake scripted drama into their “reality” TV shows.  Kpopalypse referencing Fu Yaning with this statement or variations thereof is a deliberate device to shoehorn the manipulation tactics of Korean media into whatever conversation or topic is being discussed.

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Gain – pictured above.  Singer in k-pop group Brown Eyed Girls and undisputed master of the classy-sexy concept.  Gain has enacted classy-sexy scenarios in more k-pop videos than any other k-pop idol.

Golden Age Of K-pop – the years 2008-2011, considered by Kpopalypse to be k-pop’s first major pop music songwriting quality peak.  A second Golden Age has not yet commenced and given current trends seems unlikely in the very near future, however not impossible!

Golden PhoneZico from k-pop boy group Block B apparently liked to browse a ‘golden phone’ that belonged to Jung Joon Young, one of the men jailed for the Burning Sun molka scandal.  According to Zico, he was only interested in looking at the address book, and certainly didn’t look at anything else on this phone.

Got Prettier – received plastic surgery.  This is a reference to YG Entertainment’s laughable press release that responded to rumours about Minzy from 2NE1’s plain-as-day nose surgery.  The press release claimed that she just “became prettier, there’s nothing more to it than that”.  YG later admitted that they lied about it and that she did in fact receive plastic surgery.  Not that anyone with a life cares, and hey if there are spare parts from Bom‘s face lying around it’d be a waste not to use them somewhere.  Also see “turned twenty“.

(The) Great Satan – Kpopalypse term for Allkpop, ultra-trashy “news” site which is mostly just a k-pop press-release-republishing site, with small amounts of extremely poor journalism, lame opinion and unethical scandal-mongering added.  The phrase “The Great Satan” comes from Middle-Eastern dictators who would use this term frequently to describe the USA and other western countries, and is used by Kpopalypse only for its comically exaggerated tone of extreme vilification.  Kpopalypse does not like Allkpop, find out why here.

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Hallyu – the “Hallyu wave” refers to the increasing popularity of Korean music, movies, TV and culture in countries other than Korea.  It’s debatable exactly when this started, if it’s still ongoing or even if it is still a relevant term, given that k-pop elements are now firmly entrenched in the global mainstream of popular culture.  General consensus is that the “Hallyu wave” started building heavily in the late 2000s, roughly synchronising with the Golden Age of K-pop.

Hana – main character from the Kpopalypse fiction novel “Show Me Love“, she is a member of a fictional k-pop group. Hana has strong tendencies towards bullying and violence.

Hanbok – traditional Korean dress.  Most of the k-pop girls in this list are wearing hanbok or modern hanbok variations.

Health Improvement – a possible side-effect of looking at a lot of healthy porn for men.

Healthy Porn For Men – so-called “innocent” or “cute” female k-pop idol video concepts that are actually dog-whistle concepts designed to appeal to uncle fans for later use.  Read more about this phenomenon here.

Hey! – iconic line used by AOA (Ace Of Angels) in many of their songs, and almost always spoken by Jimin.

Hitomi Tanaka – a former JAV star with extremely large natural breasts.  Relevant to k-pop because of JongTomi… and because of extremely large natural breasts, which are always relevant to Kpopalypse at all times.

Hive-Mind – the ability for people to all think the same thing just because it’s trendy and everybody else around them is doing it.  Examples include Nazis at the peak of Hitler’s popularity, the Zerg, netizens on a witch-hunt, ARMYs and various other k-pop fandoms.

Hold Hands And Think Pure Thoughts – what two pure innocent people do when they go out on a date together, instead of getting classy-sexy.  This reference comes from “The Central Scrutinizer“, who narrates the album Joe’s Garage by Frank Zappa.  How the hell a Frank Zappa fan started writing about k-pop is a question that you could legitimately ask yourself at this point.

Hyomin – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group T-ara, and like all T-ara members, an expert netizen troller.  Hyomin took her netizen trolling to the next level on her solo song “Nice Body” which was a pretty average song musically but delivered netizens some important life lessons.

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IATFB – head writer and editor at Asian Junkie.  Known for liking K.A.R.D and Dreamcatcher, occasionally writing about other k-pop matters in between posts about baseball and liking K.A.R.D and Dreamcatcher, and the sanitised, politically-correct edits of Kpopalypse articles that occasionally have appeared on his site.

Ilbe – a satirical Korean website, the closest western equivalent probably being either 4chan or Encyclopedia Dramatica, in humour content, political content as well as generally being “that site lots of people look at but nobody wants to admit that they look at”.  Kpopalypse articles have been reposted to Ilbe.

I Likey Likey Dis, I Likey Likey Dat, I Like Dis Like Dat Yeah – iconic rap line from the greatest k-pop feature track of all time, T-ara‘s “Roly Poly“.  Also noteworthy because it was the first and last time that ex-member Hwayoung was ever asked to do anything of cultural relevance, so this quote is often used when referencing Hwayoung.  There is no Hwayoung entry in this lexicon because I’m lacking in determination to write about her.

Iljin – the cool kids in Korean high school who drink, smoke and form cute little gangs.  Several k-pop stars are accused of being iljins, which probably just means that they smoked a cigarette, drunk a bottle of soju and had oral sex every now and then after school while you slaved away on your homework and fapped to Sailor Moon.  Read more about the joys of iljin life here.

In A Musical Sense – when people were upset at Zico because of his use of the term “faggot bitch“, he apologised and advised that he meant it “in a musical sense“.  Since this explanation was good enough for Netizenbuzz (who I have strong positive feelings for), it’s also good enough for Kpopalypse.  In other words, it’s not sexist, because he’s saying it in a song.

IU – pictured above.  IU is a solo k-pop singer who originally traded on an image of having never been kissed (like Britney Spears), but later was revealed through an accidentally-uploaded photograph as a potential rampaging cum-dumpsterNetizens were very upset about being sold such a lie of innocence and purity, which just goes to show how dumb netizens are that they believed such an obvious lie in the first place.  IU’s image has since been appropriately sexed-up to match this newfound perception of her so everybody is now a winner.

I Want To Wrap It Softly – when photographer First Rabbit took some photos of Twice’s Nayeon, he photoshopped over a heart-shaped hole in a jumper that exposed a very small amount of cleavage, removing the hole and thus removing the exposure.  The accompanying text to the Tweet he posted showing that he did this, when translated to English by Twitter’s auto-translate, said “I want to wrap it softly”.  This phrase is now used by Kpopalypse to accompany image censorship of any type in order to highlight the absurd ultra-conservatism (and accompanying creepy paternalism/need for control/obsession) of many k-pop fans.

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JAV – Japanese adult video.  The Japanese may fail at pop music but they meet required standards for pornography production.  JAV typically features more play-acted classy-sexy behaviour than porn from other countries, although perhaps not as much as music videos by Gain.  Japan is the closest Asian country to Korea with an active and openly-operating porn industry, so many k-pop fans and idols are fapping to JAV.

Jelly Snacks – when Bom was caught smuggling drugs into Korea, she apparently attempted to smuggle them through international mail inside a box of jelly snacks.  Use of the term “jelly snacks” therefore refers to any illicit drug favoured by Korean pop idols.

Jessica – Jessica Jung, ex-member of k-pop group Girls’ Generation (SNSD).  Sometimes referred to as Jessica Jawshave because her facial profile indicates potential jaw surgery.  Read all about the potential fun of jawshaves here.  Also see Rachel Kim.

Jimin – Jimin can refer to k-pop soloist Park Jimin/Jamie, Park Jimin of boy group BTS, or even actress Han Jimin, but when used in isolation on this site Jimin most commonly refers to Shin Jimin of the group AOA (Ace Of Angels).  Be sure to always refer to one of the other Jimins whenever someone starts talking about AOA’s Jimin.  Jimin says “Hey!” a lot, and also carries a lot of AOA’s iconic spoken interludes, such as “The pretty girls are AOA“.

Jiyeon – pictured above.  Singer in k-pop girl group T-ara.  Also often referred to as “cyclops“, “cyclopean overlord” etc due to her eyes being closer together than those of most k-pop idols (see near eyes).  It has been speculated by Kpopalypse that when focused correctly, beams of pure energy emanate from her eye and are capable of immense destructive powers.  Netizens should be careful.

JongTomi – the only one true ship in k-pop, boy group SHINee’s Jonghyun and JAV actress Hitomi Tanaka.  Evidence here.

Jpopalypse – someone who you should ask questions about j-pop to, instead of me.  Kpopalypse does not care about j-pop, a genre with literally one solitary good song, and which constantly panders to the raincoat market.  Don’t try to convince me otherwise, you’re wasting your time (no, really).  Kpopalypse.com was given a site rebranding to Jpopalypse for April Fools 2019.

Julie Park – a character in Kpopalypse fanfiction “Suzy’s Cuts“.

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K.A.R.D. – see K-Tigers.

KKS – Kim Kwang Soo, ex-CEO of Core Contents Media (now MBK), fun-loving figure of mirth and general all-around spectacular guy who has given you such great products as T-ara and been responsible for churning out a higher percentage of Kpopalypse biases than any other CEO.  He also gave Boram/my mother a job which means that he’s a swell guy, and he has also reflected and returned with a more mature image which you can read about here.  You may also wish to read more about the wonderful things that KKS has done to improve the quality of your life here.

(A) k-pop – rather than “a k-pop star”, or “k-pop idol” Kpopalypse often uses the shortened , gramatically incorrect “a k-pop”.  The reason for this is that Kpopalypse’s search terms as reported by Chuu+ have often revealed that people searching for k-pop related material often throw grammar to the wind in this way, likely due to their extreme thirst.  Example here.

K-Tigers – a large co-ed martial arts group that has also debuted in k-pop as an idol group.  Co-ed idol groups (groups with mixture of male and female members) are extremely rare in k-pop, but as K-Tigers are not very well known to k-pop fans, when K.A.R.D debuted many people reacted as if K.A.R.D were the only co-ed group in existence at that time.  As K-Tigers are more nugu than K.A.R.D. and according to Kpopalypse have better songs on average (so far), K-Tigers was used interchangeably with K.A.R.D. on Kpopalypse.com for a while for “media balancing” reasons, implying that K-Tigers are in fact the only co-ed group in k-pop to balance the excessive K.A.R.D. coverage on Asian Junkie where K-Tigers are generally ignored.

Krystal – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group f(x), and Jessica‘s less conventionally attractive sister.  That’s why Jessica gets to be in the big mainstream pop group for global appeal and Krystal gets to be in the artsy-fartsy left-field semi-experimental pop group.

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Later Use – see fap.

Let’s Light It Up And Let It Burn Like We Don’t Care – part of CL from 2NE1’s iconic spoken-word breakdown in her solo debut song “The Baddest Female“.  YG Entertainment later showed exactly what they meant by this when they lit up and burned Taeyang’s music video backdrop like they just didn’t care.

Let The Pussy Roll – iconic English-language intro line spoken by k-pop group Sechskies in a live performance of the song “Chivalry”.  Sometimes highlighted for no reason other than it’s hilarious that the performers got away with saying this, but also used to draw attention to the fact that k-pop performers aren’t as pure and innocent as their agency is mandating on the surface level.

Listen To My Word, The Fucking Dick Goes In Your Pussy – see Let The Pussy Roll.

Luna – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group f(x), and the “nice” one according to rumours.  These probably-bullshit rumours have inspired her exaggerated characterisation as a goody two-shoes in certain Kpopalypse fanfictions.

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Mamamoo Syndrome – a Kpopalypse theory that when a group consists of above-average singers, songwriters try less hard to give them decent material.  Instead of giving them decent songs, songwriters will just clear out their low-quality lazily-written blues-based garbage hoping that the singers can lift the quality into something reasonable purely with their voices.  Of course this never works in reality.  The syndrome is named after Mamamoo as they appear to be a consistent victim of this practice (although not the only ones).

Martina – female component of v-logging duo Eat Your Kimchi, noted by Kpopalypse for her outstanding physical appearance, much to the chagrin of all other k-pop followers everywhere.

Mary Sue – a character in a fanfiction who is written to be “special” and “flawless”, or alternatively, flawed to the point of syrupy cliche.  K-pop fanfiction writers often can’t resist characterising their favourite idols in this manner, which is why Kpopalypse more often portrays idols as abrasive, rude or just incredibly ordinary people underneath the surface (which is the most likely scenario in reality).

Meets Required Standards – sometimes shortened to “MRS“.  An indication that were I to be single, if I met the person discussed, they would qualify for activities of a sexual nature, should they be interested in such activities with myself.  This phrase is my own invention and is deliberately nonchalant and emotionally detached in tone.  The purpose of the phrase’s detached flat nature is to provide a counterbalance to the annoying spazzing over favourite idols that exists in all other corners of the k-pop world, thus highlighting how emotionally immature and stupid such activity is and that people being hot is not really that big of a deal.  Note that cats and dogs have their own standards, so you may also see variations MRCS and MRDS.

Microdot – a device used by spies to store and transport information discreetly, a microdot can hold lots of useful secret info in a dot no bigger than the size of a mole.  It is speculated by Kpopalypse that Qri‘s nose mole is possibly a microdot that holds many k-pop secrets.  It’s for this reason that Qri was chosen as the mascot for the QRIMOLE question and answer series, the implication of this choice is that any answers not known to Kpopalypse would instead be extracted from her microdot’s stored information.

Mina – there are many past and present people in k-pop falled Mina, but the name Mina is also a fictional character in ex-Girls’ Generation member Jessica Jung’s young adult fiction books “Shine” and “Bright“.  Mina is the main antagonist of the book, the character who gives Jessica’s self-insert character Rachel Kim the hardest time.  It is speculated that Mina represents one of the members of Girls’ Generation, or perhaps a hybrid of members.  Many Girls’ Generation fans speculate that she could be Sooyoung due to their similar rich upbringing and general cattiness, but Kpopalypse believes that it may actually be Taeyeon due to her workaholic perfectionist vibe and general cattiness.  The truth is out there.

Minkyung – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl duo Davichi.  Minkyung is the more conventionally attractive member of the group, meaning that she gets more hate from fangirls, who are doing their best to drive a wedge between the duo despite the fact that none exists in reality.  She also has lots of pearly volume.

Molka – a Korean term for pornographic pictures taken in secret with hidden cameras, or when the subjects are unconscious, without the consent of the victims.  The term also refers to the distribution of such pictures.  Several male k-pop idols were found to be in possession of molka images during the Burning Sun scandal.

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Nana – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl groups After School and Orange Caramel.  Considered the “hot one” by most k-pop observers, but the “not one” by Kpopalypse, hence she is sometimes referred to by Kpopalypse as “Not-Raina” as a way to highlight the subjectivity of beauty.

Near eyes – k-pop idols who have their eyes set close together.  Notable examples: T-ara’s Jiyeon, Brown Eyed Girls’ Gain.  Kpopalypse considers “near eyes” to be an attractive trait.  Kpopalypse also forsees a future in which Korean social status will be separated by eye distance, resulting in eventual war between the “far eyes” and “near eyes”.

Netizen – abbreviation for “Internet citizen“.  Somebody who comments on the Internet and/or is active in Internet communities.   Sometimes such people are mature, rational and level-headed folks who consider evidence carefully before making comment… but usually not.

Netizenbuzz – a now-defunct website that was devoted to collecting and translating the replies of Korean netizens to articles in the Korean pop media.  Despite not being a news site, actually does a far better job of sharing news than other official “news” websites such as The Great Satan.  Also does a much better job of spreading scandals, which are sometimes clarified and contextualised for the benefit of the site’s mostly dumb, reactionary and easily-led audience, but sadly, usually not.  Read more here.

Never Been Kissed (Like Britney Spears) – a common marketing position for k-pop girl groups and female idols portraying an “innocent” image.  Recent k-pop examples include IU and Apink.  The reference to western pop idol Britney Spears is because Britney also (ludicrously) claimed that she had never been kissed in early interviews around the time of her first two albums.

No mosh, no core, no trends, no fun – a slogan that appeared on albums released by black metal label Deathlike Silence Productions.  Highlighted on Kpopalypse.com sometimes just for its comical absurdity, but also to draw attention to the very un-fun environments that those working in k-pop agencies often find themselves.

No Reason Sidebar girl – Clicking the No Reason Sidebar Girl goes to a random destination which changes at random times, usually weekly or fortnightly.  A summary post of No Reason Sidebar Girl destinations is posted yearly, in October, and then a new girl is selected.  It is hypothesised by Kpopalypse that great fortune befalls women who are selected for the honour of being the No Reason Sidebar Girl.  There is no reason for the No Reason Sidebar Girl.

Not-Raina – see Nana.

Nugu – means “who?” in Korean, used to describe k-pop groups that do not have market popularity and/or that nobody cares about.

Nugu Alert – Kpopalypse episodic series devoted to increasing nugu awareness.  As someone who has played in various nugu groups of my own for decades, I can sympathise with the plight of the nugu wholeheartedly, and having seen thousands of groups of all fame levels perform over the years I am more than aware that popularity doesn’t always equal quality.  Nugu Alert attempts to bring to the reader nugus of all types within the k-pop world, giving you my opinions but also enabling you the reader to make your own decisions about what you might think is worthy of more attention and interest.

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OH&S Compliance – Occupational Health and Safety, something which should be of paramount concern to all k-pop stars as the consequences of not making safe non-OH&S compliant items (such as sharp-edged furniture) could result in injury or even death.

Oh Hye Rin (Raina) – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl groups After School and Orange Caramel.  Considered the “not one” by most k-pop observers, but the “hot one” by Kpopalypse.  Raina has also inspired her own religion, Rainaism.

One True Ship – “One True Partnership”, often abbreviated to “OTP”, an imagined pairing that in the heart of the k-pop fan, must be true.  In Kpopalypse’s case, the OTP of choice is JongTomi.

Oppressing Women And Minorities – something that Kpopalypse does often, according to his critics.  Can you feel the oppression emanating from this very page, ensnaring you and holding you back from your true potential?  Be sure to let him know, so he can reflect and return with a more mature image.

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PAVED THE WAY – BTS fans (see ARMYs) often claim that BTS “PAVED THE WAY” for k-pop’s western advancement (and usually in capitals).  It’s unclear what this means exactly, because BTS fans also simultaneously claim that BTS is not k-pop, AND those fans are also pretty unwilling to see any other groups besides BTS walk down the path that BTS spent all that time paving, which makes their proudness about having built the path seem somewhat redundant.  However Kpopalypse suspects other k-pop artists may have also “PAVED THE WAY” and thus will usually use the term to highlight the unique achievements of several groups and individuals within k-pop who are not BTS.

Pearly Volume – a phrase which means “big boobs” and which was coined by a Korean journalist commenting on the body of Davichi’s Minkyung.

Postcard – if your’e enjoying reading this crap, why not send a postcard to Kpopalypse?  You can send any old random shit on a postcard to Kpopalypse, address details here.  Do it, cao ni ma!

Press Release – a media statement released by an entertainment agency, designed to give media outlets something to base their articles on.  Lazier media outlets won’t actually bother to write their own articles though, they’ll just copy and paste the press release verbatim instead because it’s quicker and easier to do so, plus it makes the agency happier to essentially get free advertising this way instead of an actual thoughtful article that may contain an opinion that differs from the “official line” of the press release.  Read more about the hidden language of k-pop press releases here.

(The) Pretty Girls Are AOA – iconic line from the song “Like A Cat” from AOA (Ace Of Angels), and delivered by Jimin, the source of all iconic lines in all AOA songs.

Project Luhan – subject of a Kpopalypse fanfiction series.

Pseudofeminism – the act of pretending to be a feminist while simultaneously engaging in or condoning behaviour that actually impedes the advancement of women’s rights.  The classic example is slut-shaming women who don’t wear a lot of clothing in music videos and thus attempting to deprive those women of income via Internet pressure, but there are many others.

Puer Kim – pictured above.  K-pop solo singer notable for her bountiful rack and physical resemblance to actress Tura Santana from Russ Meyer’s 60’s boobsploitation film “Faster, Pussycat, Kill! Kill!“.

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Qri – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group T-araQRIMOLE mascot, and owner of the Qri nose mole or microdot, the only truly iconic facial blemish in k-pop.

Qri Doesn’t Careshe really doesn’t.  Kpopalypse has noted that Qri not caring is a statement of correct trufax.  The name “Qri Doesn’t Care” comes from a T-ara fan who uses the same moniker.

QRIMOLE – Kpopalypse series that answers miscellaneous questions from readers.  The term QRIMOLE is an acronym, the meaning of which changes and is non-specific, quite ridiculously insulting my own lazy English.  Also see microdot.

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Rachel Kim – Ex-Girls’ Generation member Jessica‘s self-insert fictional character in her young adult fiction books “Shine” and “Bright“.  Notable for not getting along very well with Mina.  Rachel Kim and Jessica are often used interchangably on Kpopalypse.com, to highlight the obvious self-insert nature of the character.

Raina – see Oh Hye Rin.

Rainaism – religion based on Raina.  Read more here.

Raincoat Market – in the days before home video, those who wished to fap to JAV had to go to their local adult cinema.  These intrepid explorers of fap would often bring their raincoats so they could fap in the cinema seat without getting jizz on their clothes.  With the advent of home video, this practice dwindled sharply, therefore all of the “raincoat crowd” are very old now, much older than me (I grew up in the VHS home videocassette era, whereas these people were sexually mature pre-VHS).  Anything aimed at the “raincoat market” is therefore targeting this particular section of elderly gentlemen fappers, roughly analogous with uncle fans.

Rainook – an alternate name for Jiyul from k-pop girl group Bloomy, so named because she looks like a cross between After School/Orange Caramel’s Raina and Rainbow’s Jisook.

Redistribution – a funding model adopted by Way’s Girls.

Reflect And Return With A More Mature Image – a typical cliched statement of the type common in k-pop press releases after an individual or group has been caught up in a controversy.  Normal controversy-thwarting tactics employed by k-pop agencies are not to argue that the controversy is baseless (even if it is) but to apologise profusely and enter a “reflection period” where the artist or group ceases activities for a while so the public has time to forgive and forget.  Of course, this tactic usually only works with male groups, who can be forgiven for just about anything over time by k-pop’s legions of crazy fangirls – female groups and individuals on the other hand are never forgiven and cyberbullied mercilessly over events many years old regardless of any reflection period undertaken (or not).

Rise – pictured above.  Ex-member of k-pop girl group Ladies Code, sadly now deceased due to a car accident that claimed her life as well as the life of groupmate EunB.  Read more about the Kpopalypse take on this tragic incident here.

Roly Poly – a song by T-ara, noted by Kpopalypse as the best k-pop feature track of all time.

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Sasaeng – crazy k-pop fans in Korea who stalk their idols by following their cars in rented taxis, harassing them at airports, stalking their dormitories, etc.  Sasaengs in Korea form organised gangs and are very scary and weird.  But don’t worry, a solution is underway…

Seolhyun – pictured above.  Singer in k-pop group AOA (Ace Of Angels).  Included here because the pretty girls are AOA.

Shannon Williams (is woke) – Kpopalypse has observed that ex k-pop singer Shannon Williams is an exceptionally woke individual, something which other sites have so far failed to acknowledge, instead mistakenly painting her as problematic.  Read more here.

Sharp-edged Furniture – look out, it’s dangerous!  Just like many victims of domestic violence have been said to have “fallen down the stairs” as a way to cover up their abuse, photos of Kim Hyun Joong’s home and his ex-girlfriends’ injuries have allowed fans of Kim Hyun Joong to theorise that she has hurt herself on sharp-edged furniture.  Use of sharp-edged furniture is also non-OH&S compliant.

Shindong – singer from k-pop boy group Super Junior.  Noted for his outstanding girth (an anomaly among k-pop’s chiseled men) which no heterosexual female or homosexual male can resist, as proven by his high repeated high performance in Kpopalypse’s annual objectification survey results.  Given that one Shindong is worth several normal k-pop guys, he is often highlighted in Kpopalypse posts as an effective way to restore precious gender balance in post that otherwise predominantly cover females.

Shinsadong Tiger Bangbus – noted and prolific k-pop songwriter and producer Shinsadong Tiger mentioned in an interview that he has hooked up several idol couples with the use of his motor vehicle, as the motor vehicle affords them the privacy they would be denied in a hotel or other public location.  This vehicle has been dubbed the “Shinsadong Tiger Bangbus” by Kpopalypse in reference to the (presumably similar) vehicle in the “Bangbus” series of “reality” porn videos.  Read more here.

Shin Hana – see Hana.

Ship – imaginary partnership usually dreamed up by fangirls between various idols (usually male-male or male-female, very rarely female-female unless one of the women is Amber) and a common subject of k-pop fanfiction.  “Shipping” is therefore the practice of imagining and writing about such pairings, and many k-pop fans have what they consider to be a one true ship.

Shit Music Disease – a hypothetical medical condition created by listening to too many shitty k-pop comebacks.  Symptoms can vary.  Be warned – advanced cases of shit music disease can be fatal!  See terminal ass cancer.

Showering (is not hip-hop) – noted veteran hip-hop legend Bobby from IKON was recently asked to draw on his decades of experience with hip-hop culture and reveal what it is that defines true hip-hop.  He revealed that going to school without showering was a key component of the hip-hop lifestyle.  Having met several young people in my own town’s local hip-hop scene, I have no reason to doubt this information!

Show Me Love – fiction novel by Kpopalypse. Order here.

Shure Super 55 – a faux-vintage stage microphone with a distinctive metal grille casing.  This microphone is still in production today, however almost nobody in Korea knows how to use one correctly.  More info here.

Situation Room – a hypothetical room that Kpopalypse theorises may exist inside many k-pop agencies, where wire-tapping telephone operators track the activities of fangirls and anti-fans, so they can exert media influence and damage-control for their artists.  Often featured in Kpopalypse fanfiction.

Snake – usually a reference to Hwayoung, ex-member of T-ara.  Read more here and here.  Also see Determination.

Snake twins – Hwayoung and twin sister Hyoyoung, former member of F-ve Dolls/5Dolls.

Snowyeon Effect – the effect where the attractiveness of female idols increases exponentially when styled in a subtle way that matches ballad song material.  Demonstrated by T-ara‘s Soyeon here.

Special Needs – the current politically correct term for mentally disabled people.  More info here.

SPERMGULP – struggling k-pop girl group who had difficulty finding a core audience.  More info here.

SPUNKMOP – new k-pop girl group on the Woollim Entertainment label who are always getting their activities delayed due to the label focusing on CUMRAG‘s success.  More info here.

Still Thinking About The Purple-Haired Guy From N.tic – in the review of N.tic’s “Once Again” in Kpopalypse’s 2018 favourites list, Jion from N.tic’s unusual and fascinating appearance was observed.  It was acknowledged that it’s difficult to stop thinking about Jion once you’ve seen him.  Every now and then, Kpopalypse checks back to see if readers have stopped thinking about him yet.

Stop The Madness – a 1980s anti-drug campaign that targeted music fans, an arm of the Reagan administration’s “War On Drugs” in the US.  During the 1980s and 1990s the “Stop The Madness” logo appeared in the liner notes of several heavy metal albums, containing the slogan: “Drugs are no fun.  Drugs endanger the life and happiness of millions.  It must stop.  We appeal in particular to the youth of today.  Stop the madness!  There are better things in life.”  As the effect of this campaign was basically nothing, this slogan or variations thereof are sometimes employed by Kpopalypse as a demonstration of the disingenuity and ineffectiveness of tokenistic sloganeering.

Sulli – see Cao Ni Ma.

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Tabs – short for “tablature” which is guitarists’ “cheat-sheet music” that substitutes numerical string fingering positions for notes on a stave.

Taeyeon – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group Girls’ Generation.  The picture above is a fairly old picture of Taeyeon, she doesn’t look much like this anymore, I guess this means that she got prettier.  Taeyeon is possibly also Mina.

T-ara – iconic k-pop group with an impressive hit-miss ratio of song quality over an extensive time period, as well as a high ratio of fappable members and a reliable ability to annoy Korean netizens and general hive-minded idiots thus making them the closest thing that k-pop has ever had to the perfect k-pop group.

Terminal Ass Cancer – a particularly nasty form of cancer which grows inside someone’s ass and (as the name implies) is fatal.  Can be caused by advanced cases of shit music disease, or by other factors such as extreme butthurt.

Throwing Eggs – when you really are upset by a k-pop agency’s decisions, you mean business and you want to show it, you throw an egg at a k-pop agency building, miss and hit the gutter.  Eggs are cheap to obtain, can be thrown easily and make a mess – their residue is difficult to clean and may take up to two days to wash off the nearby gutter completely.  That’ll show ’em.  Also see toilet paper.

Toilet Paper – when you really are upset by a k-pop agency’s decisions, you mean business and you want to show it, you send a k-pop agency toilet paper via courier or the postal service.  Toilet paper has low weight per volume so it’s cheap to send somewhere without breaking the budget while causing maximum storage problems for the recipient.  That’ll show ’em.  Also see throwing eggs.

Tribal Lycra Spacesuit – generic boy-band pseudo-futuristic mish-mash fashion costume, usually with a metallic look and possibly random spikes, chains etc.  May or may not be literally tribal, lycra or a spacesuit.

Try Not To Have Gay Sex With Yves –  a computer game series written by Kpopalypse, available on the Kpopalypse itch.io page for free download.  The aim of each game is to control Chuu and try to prevent her and Yves from having sex, which is difficult because the character of Chuu in the game wants to have sex with Yves a lot.  This means that the aim of the player and the aim of the character they control are completely opposing, and much of the narrative in the game revolves around Chuu trying to exert her control against the will of both her company and the player.  Other members of Loona also appear in the game, some supporting Chuu’s aims, some not, and some indifferent.  The games are written with RPG Maker, which is a common platform for Wonho games, however unlike those games the Try Not To Have Gay Sex With Yves series is deliberately not sexually explicit and actively subverts expectations of sexually explicit games, while simultaneously also subverting the lesbian dog-whistle inherent in Chuu’s “Heart Attack” music video by making the implied lesbian relationship as plainly overt as possible.

Trufax – means “true facts”.  This is a term that comes from the English science fiction book Riddley Walker, where the protagonist of a post-apocalyptic scavenger era speaks in a bastardised future dialect of English with many words simplified and shortened.

Tsk Tsk – common Korean netizen expression used to express condescending disapproval.  Co-opted by Kpopalypse usually to express condescending disapproval of condescending disapproval.

Turned Twenty – received plastic surgery.  Comes from the same laughable YG press statement that suggested Minzy’s changed face wasn’t because she got plastic surgery but just because she became older, a lie that also spawned the phrase got prettier and that the label later admitted was false.

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Uji – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group BESTie, who meet required standards.

Uncanny Valley – a scientific idea that when people look almost but not quite natural, they can cause more disturbing reactions to the viewer than people who look either completely natural, or completely fake.  Often used by Kpopalypse to refer to people who have gotten prettier and experienced a decrease in fapability as a result.

Uncle Fans – see Raincoat Market.

Underground Jelly Arena – housed in a top-secret location and often referred to in Kpopalypse fanfictions.  The underground jelly arena is the preferred venue for jelly wrestling tournaments.

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Victoria – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group f(x), Victoria is Chinese and therefore would know exactly what Cao Ni Ma means.

Virtue Signalling – making redundant statements that conform to extremely widely-held moral values for the sole purpose of signalling to others online that you are a “person of virtue”.  The statements may be either true or false.  Examples could include “racism is bad, I really don’t like racist people, gosh they are so terrible”, “all the people involved in the Sewol Ferry sinking should be locked up and the key thrown away” or “that Kpopalypse guy is a bit of a cunt really, he makes posts about girls and their boobs, how dare he, I don’t approve of this”.

Vocalfag – nothing to do with anybody’s homosexuality, I mean it in a musical sense.  Specifically, it refers to someone who cares excessively about vocal technique to the point where the obsession with whether someone is “singing well” and ticking all the right vocal technique boxes actually takes precedence over whether they actually enjoy the music that the person is signing.  Often this twisted obsession develops because for crazy k-pop fans with a thin grasp on rationality, legitimising their favourite artists as “talented” in the eyes of others is often more important to them than enjoying the music that they create.  The term can also refer to the vocals themselves – someone who sings with the primary intention of showing off how well they can sing, at the expense of signing something that is actually the most effective and suitable for the song, could be said to be “vocalfagging”.  It’s the vocal equivalent of a guitarist who plays 1000 notes per minute just to show off how good they are at playing with fluid technique at times when three or four notes would have been more effective and made a better musical statement.

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Way – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group Crayon Pop, and completely harmless nice person who is in no way involved in any criminal activity of any sort.

Way’s Girls – is a Kpopalypse fanfiction which can be read here.  Let me stress that this is a work of fiction and in no way relates to anything that Way or any other Crayon Pop members are doing or could be doing in real life.  Way’s Girls, I hope these entries are good enough, can I please see my family members now thank you.

We go up – see Fu Yaning.

Western Union – money transfer service, known for its lax security practices and thus high level of popularity with Internet scammers.  A reference to Western Union indicates a high potential for fraudulent activity on the part of someone sending or receiving money.

White Coater – fap content with a thinly-veiled scientific, pseudofeminist or research-based justification, named as such because in early pornographic videos the action would be sometimes preceeded by a scientist wearing a white coat, usually addressing the camera directly and explaining the “scientific angle” of what was to follow, as if you were watching a purely educational video.  Examples and further discussion here.

Witch-Hunt – vilification or trial-by-public-opinion of a subject which ignores proper evidence, lacks investigation into superficially fitting but incorrect claims or judges a victim based on no-win criteria.  The term comes from witch trials in the Middle Ages which largely disregarded judicial process.  Witch-hunting is an extremely popular netizen sport, victims include Tablo, T-ara, Lovelyz, and several others.

Wonho game – a computer game with adult or hentai content featuring busty females.  Called as such because it was confirmed through his phone lockscreen choice that Wonho is an avid player of such games, prompting Kpopalypse to write several recommendation posts of such games for Wonho’s later use.

xlex

X – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group [Y].  Included because everybody loves a blind item post.  Who is X?  Guess this blind item correctly without using software or websites to help and win the satisfaction of being correct… or just click on her to see the answer if you’re lazy and curious.

ylex

Yoloswag – refers to a particular hybrid style of rap/R&B music that utilises trap beats.  Sometimes the word “swag” is substituted for another word, usually negative in connotation, depending on the music being discussed.

Yoloswag420 – a recurring forum-trolling character in Kpopalypse’s fanfiction.

You’re The Best Ever Cum In My Life – iconic line sung by buttplug-friendly Seo Jisoo of Lovelyz in the classic New Order-esque k-pop song “Candy Jelly Love“.

Yua MikamiJAV star and leader/member of the k-pop group Honey Popcorn.

Yura – pictured above.  Member of k-pop girl group Girl’s Day.  No other notable features, let’s just move on.

Yves – member of k-pop girl group Loona.  Often romantically paired with Chuu, such as in the Try Not To Have Gay Sex With Yves computer games.

zlex

Zergling – alien creature from the Zerg race in the computer game Starcraft.  Zerglings are tiny, fast-moving, hungry for human flesh, and do not think for themselves but are controlled by a hive-mind.  These characteristics mean that they are often indistinguishable from netizens and fangirls/fanboys.

Zico – member of k-pop boy group Block B, also a true hip-hop playa because instead of showering (which isn’t hip-hop) he bathes in dirty cookies in the music video for the song “Tough Cookie“.  Also noted for his golden phone.

Zinni – pictured above.  Ex-member of girl group GLAM, who disbanded due to one of their other members becoming extortion-friendly and thus blowing the group’s squeaky-clean k-pop image right out of the water.

Zu zu zu zu – iconic line from the song “Savage” by k-pop group Aespa.  Sometimes highlighted by Kpopalypse as an example of the common tunelessness and absurdity of modern k-pop’s chrous hooks.  Also see feel like a shark chika chiki chu.


I hope you all enjoyed the Kpopalypse Lexicon!  This post won’t feature on any other sites because it’s a dynamic post which will be added to over time, and it’s too much work to edit two copies of the same post continually.  As new terms enter the Kpopalypse Lexicon they will also make their way into this post!  Expect them fondly!

akorhanb

15 thoughts on “The Kpopalypse Lexicon

  1. Hmm, is “x” Seunghee (formerly of F-be Dolls)? The girl in the picture looks like she has a petite body and a small face like her. Plus, she’s doing that head-cocked-slightly-to-the-side thing that Seughee likes to do in her pictures.

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