Thanks to everybody who did the 2014 end-of-year mega-survey! Over 850 responses were collected, breaking the current record for Kpopalypse survey participation – wow! Here’s all the results for you, the lovely readers!
Question 1: Hi. How Are you? Please answer in as much or as little detail as applicable.
Most people were good and answered this open-ended text question accordingly. For those who asked how I am, I’m great, thanks for asking! Some people didn’t believe that I would care about how they feel but I care about all the nice people who bother to do my surveys. To prove it, here’s some answers to some questions that you had:
What does Cao Ni Ma mean? Answered here.
Should I have a bagel? Yes.
Can we just get something to fap? Yes. Here’s a Eunjung GIF from a recent T-ara performance, please enjoy.
Question 2: Do you like the idea of doing another Kpopalypse survey?
The boredom is strong among Kpopalypse readers, nearly outweighing those who actually wanted to do the survey for fun reasons. Or maybe you all just really like clicking things a lot, which would explain the high levels of participation. Either way I’m glad this survey met required standards. About 9% of the respondents didn’t enjoy the survey at all, but did it anyway so whatever.
Question 3: How often do you read Kpopalypse posts?
The largest chunk of readers figured out that I make a post about once or twice a week, and there’s not much point checking any more than that. Sorry that I forgot to add an option for the Kpopalypse RSS feed, because RSS isn’t something that I use so I tend to forget that it exists because I’m such a self-absorbed cunt. What was really interesting to me is that my amount of email subscribers and haters seems to be about the same! I think there’s a connection there, folks…
Question 4: Do you feel that Kpopalypse has a holier-than-thou persona?
Most people thought that I had a holier-than-thou persona but many were able to look past it because they felt it was also stupid enough to get a giggle out of. About a quarter of readers suspected that I may not have a holier-than-thou persona due to the large amounts of self-deprecation in my writing… could they be onto something? I’m too holier-than-thou to give you the answer, plus too self-deprecating to be bothered trying to lift up my shitty reputation as someone who is holier-than-thou, so let’s move on to…
Question 5: Do you think Jisoo from Lovelyz is really a delinquent who did all the 27 things people are accusing her of?
Just over 15% of respondents thought that Jisoo was a rapist and a blackmailer and an animal abuser and a delinquent and a sasaeng and a bully and a buttplug-inserter, the rest of you either think it’s all a transparent character-assassination attempt, or you just filed all those articles in your fap bookmark folder for later use and didn’t really read them.
Question 6: Rate this anonymous comment directed at Kpopalypse: “Get a life you pathetic piece of shit, you’re here all day wasting your life on doing this pathetic garbage. Does it turn you on to act like a child on the Internet?”
Never mind that the answer to the anon’s question is an obvious “yes”, I probably skewed the results here because I associated each response with a catchy Kpopalypse lexicon phrase. Also, the original person who told me this also told me to kill myself but I left that part out of the question because I was worried that it may have triggered some kind of filtering that shut the survey down completely. Still the results show a clear indication that my haters are marked by a difference in determination levels.
Question 7: Your favourite sexy girl group concept of 2014 – disregard music, judge on visuals only. Tick all that apply.
I fucked up here – I actually meant to put in Hyosung instead of Jieun, quite a few of you noticed that and pointed it out in other question responses. I blame “Good Night Kiss” for being such a completely forgettable song that I actually managed to get it mixed up with Jieun’s songs. I also forgot EXID and maybe some others but oh well. Anyway regardless AOA scored an easy victory here (with “Like A Cat” fresh in people’s memory they may have had an advantage), and Spica-S fared the worst, a group so irretrievably destined for nugudom that even sexy concepts can’t help them.
Question 8: If you don’t like sexy concepts in k-pop, why not? If you do like them feel free to skip this question, or put an amusing anecdote about a sexual experience that you had while fapping to sexy concepts.
Quite a few of you responded with “I’m female” but I consider that dodging the question as I know that you ladies fap too. Ultimately though, I didn’t give a shit about what you think of sexy concepts, I just wanted some funny fap stories to repost here. So here are some:
I was watching Stellar touch each other and legit shot to the ceiling. It was difficult to sneak the step ladder all the way upstairs from the garage to clean it.
I make my boyfriend fuck me to sexy concept songs even though he hates Kpop, I think that his discomfort of hearing girl voices while we fuck turns me on
Girlfriend walked in on me cos she forgot her shirt in shower n let’s just say she lost determination to keep me sexually frustrated cos obviously it ain’t working.
I was once going through my folder of female idol boob appreciation pics and gifs (lots of which I have thanks to you), when my dad came back from the market. Of course I didn’t hear him sneaking up behind me. When he saw what I was looking at, he was so happy, yelling “Oh thank God you’re a lesbian, I won’t have to give you up to some boy. I don’t trust today’s generation of boys.” Since, I did not have the heart to come out as straight with just a fascination for sexy female bodies to my Dad.
I once masturbated to a pixelated gif of Key eating a popsicle. It went swimmingly.
I like sexy concepts. Butthurt netizens bitching about them is pretty amusing. I was fapping to the Korean version MV of Hot Summer (the Japanese version is a decent fap too), with my main focus for the fap being Victoria that particular time. I like to vary my fap focus a lot because I like variety and that’s why you fap to kpop, right? Even one decent group has those different tastes for different moods and sexual tastes, and you can multiply that by however many groups you like to fap to. I think it’s great, and I’m really glad I was introduced to kpop for this reason. The music is good too, but for me personally it was my fap life and sexual fantasies that benefited the most from kpop. But I digress. So, I was in the mood for some umma lovin’ and was primarily fapping to Victoria while I watched Hot Summer. She was so fine and I was just about to climax, then suddenly fucking Amber’s rap part started and I got a dreadfully long closeup of her man face while I jizz all over my keyboard, unable to aim properly from the shock. As I lay panting in my post-orgasm depression, I thought dark thoughts of how I can get my revenge. To this day I still fear and hate Amber. Afterwards I visited Kpopalypse Hyung’s ask.fm and told him briefly about this experience and asked him if he had lived through a similar horror. He said that he got an idea for a blog post from my question. I expect it fondly.
once i fapped thrice in one day to the same gif.
To that last anon, that GIF must have been good. Maybe you should share.
Question 9: What’s Sulli’s favourite activity?
Most people (50.9%) picked nightclubbing as Sulli’s favourite activity, and a sizeable chunk of you felt that she wants nothing more than to iron Choiza’s shirts. Less than 1/8th of respondents felt that Sulli would prefer to be performing in f(x).
Question 10: I get the most positive feedback from my music industry posts, but the most web traffic from my fap posts. Why do you think this is?
Perhaps all valid theories, but the most popular one was that people return to fap to the same images multiple times. Noted! I guess that means I’d better put another Eunjung GIF here.
Question 11: Which one of the following attractive women would you like to see a Kpopalypse article about? Tick all that apply.
Youngji walked away with this one. This of course doesn’t guarantee that you’re going to get an article, just that I now know stuff that I previously didn’t know so I can customise content to suit (whatever that means). Park Jimin wasn’t popular so Jimin if you’re reading feel free to drop down to Adelaide and I will calmly accept you for a date with some ice cream and a hug.
Question 12: Rate this hate-comment about Kpopalypse. “He’s over 30 years old? Wow, that makes his blog so much more pathetic and embarrasing than it already was.”
This was almost neck-in-neck but the cao ni mas won the day. Thanks to whatever douchenoz originally said this on Netizenbuzz (can’t remember exactly where the original comment lives but who cares), coming up with these questions isn’t easy.
Question 13: Rate the following k-pop intro/breakdown lyrics in terms of iconic status.
The iconic power of JYP emerged as the clear leader despite him not having said his own name at the start of a recording for the entirety of 2014. In the meantime nobody gave a fuck about Hi Suhyun, or maybe you were all just trying to blot that song’s existence out of your brain.
Question 14: What did you think of the Sorasora uniforms worn by Pritz? Not all answers are mutually exclusive so tick all that apply.
Most people didn’t care that much, probably a healthy reaction. A lot of you thought the trolling was amusing, the rest of the options got a roughly equal response, with Nazi fappers scoring lowest of all. Somehow I doubt this is true and you’re all just too ashamed to admit that you jerk it to girls in cute sexy Nazi dresses.
They’re so adorable, nervously clutching their microphones, I don’t mind admitting that my genitals did the Hitler salute over this look. All my sperm had a “white race” to see which one could make it out of my dick the fastest.
Question 15: Important sexual experience question of important importance!
I wanted to know about how much sexual experience you guys and girls had because I was wondering what sort of sexual experience levels I should be pitching my more explicit writing to. If I talk about a “dirty sanchez” or “felching” in a fanfic will I be understood? Would a breakdown of Seungri’s lovemaking techniques be useful? The results of this survey question make me think that maybe I need to give you guys some assistance in the basics first before we progress to the advanced levels.
Question 16: List your five favourite k-pop groups or soloists, or if you can’t decide exactly, just five that you really like.
Always good to know what people listen to and like. Because this is a free text question I don’t have a sexy pie chart for it, but just from scrolling down the list quickly the names I saw the most were T-ara, AOA, Girl’s Day, Orange Caramel, Dal Shabet, SNSD, f(x), 2NE1, and quite a few nugus especially BESTie and Mamamoo who you all felt were being horribly neglected or something. As for guy groups BigBang and SHINee headed the list, Block B, Beast, Infinite, U-Kiss and EXO were also popular choices. Nugu guy groups mostly didn’t make the list at all, apart from BTS who were quite a popular pick, although a few k-hiphoppers crept in.
Question 17: What type of content offends you, the reader?
Hopefully this question wasn’t too offensive for you. But don’t worry – Kpopalypse will never be insensitive to Raina fans!
Question 18: Tell a joke! Win a prize!
Here’s the best one-liner jokes:
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Have u heard of the movie called “Constipation”.. No, cause it hasn’t been released yet. (multiple people had this joke)
How come Barbie never got pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box.
What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist!
What’s the hardest thing for a Paedophile to do? Fit in.
How can you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints
Q. Why did Sara fall off the swing? A. She didn’t have any arms. Q: Knock Knock Who’s there? A: Not Sara.
….but most of you didn’t have any jokes at all and just said you weren’t good at jokes. Or, you had some meta jokes like “Kpopalypse”, “this survey”, “[insert artists you don’t like here]’s career/sales/chart performance” etc. The most popular meta-response was actually “CL” so in the spirit of CL here’s a completely groan-worthy but nevertheless impressively original k-pop themed joke:
Rainbow walks into a bar. After waiting 3 hours they angrily storm out and run into After School on the street who happened to be just heading into the very same location. “Do NOT go into that bar,” they warned the AS girls, gnashing their teeth.” They have shit ass service and no one’s buying us drinks.” After School were dubious but decided to send in Orange Caramel to double check. After 15 mins they came out wasted as fuck with multiple phones numbers. “WTF.” Rainbow wailed. “This doesn’t make sense. Let’s go back in.” They barged into the bar and screamed angrily at the bartender. “WHY THE FUCK ARE THOSE BITCHES GETTING SERVICE AND WE’RE NOT. WE’VE BEEN HANGING AROUND HERE FOR JUST AS LONG AS THEY HAVE” The bartender laughs. “Oh haha. I didn’t see you guys at all. I guess rainbows are only visible after rain(a).”
I’ll let you decide whether it’s bad meaning bad or bad meaning good.
No I wasn’t collecting your addresses for nefarious purposes, but unfortunately nobody had a funny joke AND an address. I might send out a prize or two anyway just because I can. Also I just want to take a moment to acknowledge all those of you who wrote massive long jokes that gave me a laugh but that didn’t make the cut for this post. Yes I do read every single response, your effort isn’t wasted!
Oh and to the person who mentioned a certain phone interview that they did a few years ago… you know who you are. I’m interested! I couldn’t find your email, so please get in touch.
Question 19: Choose from three meaningless options.
Most of you picked the second option, followed by the third, then the first. Human psychology revealed!
Question 20: What k-pop sites do you visit?
Pretty much what I expected, but it’s good to have some confirmation. Note that the percentages on the right aren’t a true reflection of the stats so ignore them, the survey calculator has some funny math with multi-choice questions like this.
Question 21: Were there any that I missed? Name them.
I added this question because I knew that I would miss tons of good sites, I put together the above list at 2am when I was really in the mood for a big runny dump and I didn’t really have my mind on the job so I thought “fuck it that’ll do”. Also now I get to compile a list of lesser-known but quality sites that you can click on and therefore I do a favour to some folks who could use some of my web traffic. Here’s the main ones you guys mentioned:
kpopkfans – comment translator site, like NB minus T-ara hate
fiddle.se – HQ GIFs
grey-nim – HQ GIFs
Reddit/kpopfap – assorted fap
k2nblog – download site
siesdestino.com – Spanish site
Enlarge your kpop – French site, amazing PS work
vk.com/korea_wings – Russian site
isaymyeolchi – Greek site
kboost – articles
Critical kpop – articles
Hello kpop – articles
jrekml – v-logger
kpopselca – selcas
fuckyeah k-pop porn – assorted fap
perving on female kpop – assorted fap
NEOgaf – not even sure what this is, but lots of content
soshified – SNSD fansite
knetizone – comment translator site
Asian fanfics – fanfiction site
Question 22: List your favourite nugus of 2014. If you don’t have any favourite nugus of 2014 use this space to whine about how there are too many new groups these days making songs to entertain you and enhance your life
Most people had the right attitude which was good to see.
Most common female nugus were Purfles, Minx, 4Ladies, Mamamoo, Lipservice, A.KOR, Pritz, Badkiz. Most popular male nugus were GOT7, HIGH4, ZPZG, K-Much, B.I.G, Hotshot, JJCC.
Question 23: Would you like to see the Kpopalypse Nugu Alert series continue though 2015?
The reason why I asked this question is that the Nugu Alert series is consistently the least popular of all the different types of post that I do. I was curious whether people were getting value out of this content. It seems that the answer is yes so it will continue…. although if the answer was no I might’ve continued it anyway just for a laugh. Expect more nugus fondly in 2015!
Question 24: for how long did you think that the picture of Eunjung that’s used as a header on my website/ask.fm/Twitter was actually a picture of me?
About two thirds of you knew what was up, as for the rest I guess it just goes to show how easy it is to fool people even when making no special effort to do so… although I reckon most of you who clicked the last option probably did so for the lulz.
Question 25: do you own physical copies of k-pop albums?
Most of you said no. About 40% of you own a few of just your faves and only about 5% of you are rabid collectors.
Question 26: Rate this criticial comment in response to my blogging. “Kpop blogs are to entertainment journalism what 50 Shades Of Grey was to novel writing; self-indulgent fanfiction based upon a barely legitimate story. It’s not just the Kpop blogs and their wannabe writers that I have no time for – the fourth estate is dying. Everyone would rather read this kind of unprofessionally written trash and just subscribe to whatever opinion they are peddling rather than get an impartial run-down and come to their own conclusions. This is how 10 years later, complete morons get elected to run countries – because half-assed media tells everyone what their opinion is and everyone has become too damn lazy because they aren’t being challenged to think for themselves by impartial journalism any more.”
The original comment is one that I’ve linked before in previous posts, and of course the source is that great bastion of integrity in journalism, Allkpop. According to the logic of this comment, it’s my fault that Tony Abbott got elected. I’m sorry, Australia – I will reflect and return with a more mature image.
Question 27: Is it okay for Zico to call someone a faggot bitch? Not all answers are mutually exclusive so tick all that apply.
The results were mostly pretty even here, but many of you ultimately decided that Zico wasn’t a card-carrying racist fuckwit, just a typical teenage douchebag (except he’s 22 at time of writing).
Question 28: Your preferred subject of the next original (not a sequel) Kpopalypse fanfic?
SNSD just scraped through into the lead, facing down stiff competition from AOA vs T-ara jelly wrestling. Of course, just because something got voted highly doesn’t mean that it will happen and my fanfiction tends to thrive on the unexpected… so we’ll see. The next original fanfic could be any one of these, or something else entirely. But you ARE getting a Project Luhan part 3, eventually.
Question 29: If Kpopalypse had a fanmeeting in Adelaide, would you go?
Out of 850-900 respondents I’ve got 15 people going! I don’t know when/where/if this meeting will ever happen so no promises but if it does I will post about it.
Question 30: Thanks for doing the survey! Any further thoughts, add below!
Some responses to thoughts:
- Quite a few people mentioned enjoying my writing but feeling a bit excluded because they were female. I guess that’s understandable as I do write from a heterosexual male point of view, but I can’t really help that I’m afraid. Now you know how I feel whenever I read 90% of k-pop content on the Internet ever.
- The Little PSY with the brain tumour isn’t the same Little PSY who did “Show Time”.
- Yes, in every survey response you could in fact tick all of the responses if you wanted. Which is exactly the same as not doing the survey at all. Save your mouse finger next time!
- Some people wanted more surveys, some wanted less. But be aware that for every survey I do I also do a big long-ass results post like this and these posts take forever, so don’t expect more than one really big survey per year… or two at most. You may get mini-surveys on pertinent topics of interest though.
- Someone asked me if I would do a 2015 predictions post – you must have missed this one.
- Yes nobody lives in Adelaide but me and about 15 others. It’s nice though, especially if you enjoy the challenge when the weather and the wildlife tries to kill you.
- Any comments positive or negative about Anti Kpop-Fangirl or Asian Junkie, not much point telling me about it. I don’t have any say in how those sites are run, I’m just one of many different writers with many different opinions that they kindly allow to publish there from time to time. Give any feedback directly to the site owners.
- Red Light Mission Part 3 (the collaborative fic between me and AKF) hasn’t been forgotten. But when part 3 will be done, I don’t know.
- I’m not done with 2014 yet! Best and worst lists of 2014 is coming and will be published on Jan 1st and not a minute before (although it’ll probably hit most countries sooner due to timezone variations), as is Christmas roundup list, and some other pointless lists and other bullshit in the meantime for cheap clickbait and fap purposes. Hey at least I’m honest about it.
That’s all for now! Kpopalypse will return with more posts soon! Expect them fondly!