The classiest and sexiest post that ever was both classy and sexy

I’ve recently written blogs about k-pop’s “sexy concepts” and also about “cute concepts“, and the non-existent differences between them, because everybody is so fucking fascinated by these topics.  Now I’ve been alerted to a new contender on the k-pop scene: “classy sexy” concepts.


What the fuck even is “classy sexy”?  Is it even a real thing?  Does it exist in k-pop?  Does anybody care?  Well, I care, because the word “sexy” is in there, so therefore time to investigate!


So being basically a scumbag I freely acknowledge that I’ve got no fucking class at all and therefore I have no fucking idea what the fuck “classy” really means.  So I looked it up:


Doesn’t sound like any shit that I’m familiar with, except maybe “smart” but then maybe I’m just more of a “smart ass” which probably isn’t what they meant as “classy”.  Then I remembered that I have a completely classy girlfriend, so I asked her “what does classy sexy mean to you?”.  She said the following:

Classy sexy is looking sexy without looking like a slut.  Flashing some flesh, but still giving a tease.  Something like a dress or skirt with a zip on the side, that you can zip up and reveal stockings and suspenders, now that’s classy sexy.

I think this will sound instantly familiar to any fan of k-pop girls groups, especially those who have been following 2014’s “war of the sexy concepts”.

My girlfriend doesn’t like or follow k-pop and wouldn’t even know who Ace Of Angels are, so this is a totally unbiased opinion from someone who truly does not give one solitary fuck about ANY k-pop at all.  She cares about it so little that she wouldn’t even waste her time posting on the Internet about how little she gives a shit.  However. according to her tastes, AOA have got “classy sexy” covered, and this is coming from someone who hasn’t actually seen AOA’s “Miniskirt” video.

Imagine her surprise when I told her:

It’s interesting that you mention this specifically, because the exact idea that you’re describing as ‘classy sexy’ is actually considered by the k-pop world to be right on the cutting edge of sluttiness

Those with memories longer than a goldfish may remember that AOA’s “Miniskirt” routine was considered so hot when it was released that the company toned down their choreography in response to k-pop fans being the usual hypocritical misogynistic fun-ruining pieces of shit that they are.  Obviously there’s a difference of opinion between the normal sexually well-adjusted person and the more idiotic fantasy-driven nutcases that make up part of k-pop’s legions of avid followers.  So what does “classy sexy” actually mean to k-pop fans?

I did some research on people’s opinions and here’s what I got:

So the girls of AOA dancing in slinky dresses showing a little bit of skin, that is definitely not cool with most k-pop fans, way too provocative, tsk tsk.  However what k-pop fans really want to see is Gain getting slammed up against walls and guys forcing themselves on her, and lots of it, they definitely don’t have a problem with this and in fact wholeheartedly approve of it.  So these next few images are for them – please enjoy this short gallery of Brown Eyed Girls’ Gain.





A lot of the above linked posts talk about women “owning their sexuality” as a classy thing, and I think that’s an interesting observation that is repeated throughout many of the linked posts about Brown Eyed Girls, stuff like this:

Let’s just ignore for the moment how this person is exactly defining “owning every move” and how many leaps of logic and how much confirmation bias that involves.  Call me crazy, but when I think of girls “owning their sexuality” I don’t think about fantasy depictions of them being raped.  Instead, when I think about exclusively “owned” sexuality by anybody male or female I think about fapping – after all, what sexuality is more “owned” by you than something that you do by yourself, for yourself?  So it follows that if “owning sexuality” is classy then masturbation is now the most “classy sexy” activity to me.  Of course Gain went down the implied fap path as well in the “Bloom” video, but that was just for the cameras.  What about the girls who are fapping when the cameras are not rolling?  Who’s the most likely culprit, and thus the real “classy-sexy” k-pop performer?

I’ve found the answer, and predictably, she’s in T-ara.


When I posted this image of Jiyeon from the “horizontal stripes” post, I was wondering at the time “what the fuck is that necklace all about, is that just a little metal rod to emphasize her tits some more or what?” – so naturally being an inquisitive sort I did some research.


As it turns out, that little dangly thing between her boobs is probably called a Vesper and it’s actually a prototype vibrator. It’s designed to hang around the neck as discreet jewelry that you can wear out and about.


Sure, Jiyeon’s version does look a little different to these, but being a celebrity she probably got given the early test model or something so she could put the technology through its paces before they went into consumer production.  The company claim that since 2010 they have “assembled a strong team of …  quality assurance testers“… right about the time T-ara started to really become huge.  Coincidence?


Doubtful.  The company are now currently making the first consumer versions of the Vesper and they describe the device as “elegant-yet-functional”, and if you scroll back to the top of this post you’ll notice that “elegant” is just a synonym for “classy”.  This means that T-ara’s Jiyeon is now confirmed as the official Kpopalypse ambassador for “classy sexy”.  Whatever that is.

jiyeon2 copy


13 thoughts on “The classiest and sexiest post that ever was both classy and sexy

  1. Gain, while very pretty, has a fairly petite body. Skinnier/petite women, atleast from my experience, can get away with slutty/sexy imagery because they can pull the cute and/or classy card. However, girls with bigger busts and booties usually get called sluts, because their luscious lumps draw more attention. If you put Clara and Gain in the same dress, chances are Gain will be classy and Clara will be a slut; I think this is mainly b/c no boobs and booty is far less intimidating to women, and men too.

    For those that disagree with me, this is straight from personal experience with my size 6 “curvy” body compared to my size 2 sister who is 8 years older than me. She would always be called pretty and stylish, while I would be sexy. Even if she revealed more than me, my 15 yr old body was “sexier” than her 23 yr old one. My mother made me wear alot of high collared shirts growing up …

      • In re: to Marionette, I think it’s because because Stellar weren’ already well known (so people don’t know about their “cute personalities” or whatever’s seen in varieties). Another point is that Gain was being submissive to the man, and even if she started “owning” her sexiness more, clearly the man is in control; this is opposed to Stellar who rub their booties, and stick them in your face. This makes me think that netizens would be more offended to see a women take charge of sexuality in an aggressive way, as opposed to someone like Gain, who is presenting it more vulnerably, and is being sexed upon.
        Also, I am pretty positive that if the girls had booties which devoured their unitards, netizens would be more livid. By naturally having boobs and a booty, you are already making people aware of sex (unconscious cues), while if you are more petite, sex can be more easily teased and shrouded. Really the netz are jealous that they can’t express their sexuality freely like Stellar, dressed in only underwear, in a room bathed in sunlight. However, frankly speaking, I did not find Stellar’s video that sexy. Styling and some of the dance moves appeared awkward, and the emphasis on their lack of booty made me cringe. Andddd, I wrote alot, wow, sorry. As always, thanks for being a cool dude!

  2. I think they just add classy to the ones they care to admit liking. After all, they can’t be found liking a sexy concept and keep a straight face.

  3. It seems like the most commonly accepted sexy concepts are the ones where they aren’t “trying” to be sexy. Something about confidence or whatever. You can’t acknowledge that you’re being sexy or you’re being a slut. On the other hand, what sadist would think that Gain video is sexy? The last thing it was trying to do was be sexy! Oh, wait…

    • The funny thing about people’s perceptions of “not trying” is that they really ARE trying to look like they’re “not trying”. If that makes any sense.

  4. So, what I’m getting from this Gain vs everyone else dichotomy is: perceived artsy-fartsy is classy-sexy, and while the rest are try-hard gisaengs.

  5. Classy or slutty or whatever they want to call it, it all generates a boner in the end, fuck them hypocrites.

  6. Stuff can be labelled classy sexy if it is a sexified version of socially acceptable “classy” wearable stuff. Any custom made outfits that look sufficiently different from normal stuff that everyone wears is immediately qualified to be labelled as slutty and therefore not classy. Custom outfits need to pass the approval of pop culture acceptability to qualify for the classy label.
    That being said, the amount of popularity of the person who wears it also factors into the equation because his/her popularity is proportional to the “influence” that person has on pop culture. If a “legendary” performer wears something, it is always classy. They are immune to criticism because they are far bigger authorities on classiness than the critics.

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