Never one to shy away from the important issues surrounding k-pop, it’s time for Kpopalypse to cover an often-misunderstood and misrepresented topic of great importance – the effect of horizontal black and white stripes on boob perception. Welcome to Kpopalypse fashion class!
If you’re anything like me, you’ll be very sick and tired of the superfluous fashion articles that appear in k-pop media. You’ve all seen them – some lazily tossed-off article about “oooh, look what [insert idol here] wore today, wow, isn’t she so classy!”. If these worthless articles are not just paid for by the record company to help boost the idol’s profile, they’re churned out by the media outlet simply because nothing interesting was happening that week and someone had an article quota to meet – but they’re functionally fairly useless. If you’re into k-pop fashion (or perving at k-pop fashion), surely you want some information that you can actually use. Don’t worry, Kpopalypse has got you covered!
In my eternal quest to shut up those people asking me to review shit all the time, here’s a review… of a book. Unlike song reviews, I figure that a book review might actually be vaguely useful to some of you. Sure, reviewing the latest written-while-taking-a-shit song from SM or YG might be good for web traffic and ego-stroking but what’s the point of me throwing down my worthless, annoying opinion on a song when you can just go to YouTube, listen to it yourself and make up your own mind? On the other hand, books are less of a try-before-you-buy proposition and you might actually want to know a bit about what’s in these fucks before you buy them, so in my mission to get k-pop fans to occasionally put down their iMaxipads and read a fucking book (those things with the pages, you’ve seen them, right?) I now bring to you this review. Please enjoy it. Or not.
I spend a lot of time debunking the bullshit surrounding k-pop and helping people to see the reality behind the curtain of fairy floss, but what I haven’t ever really done is helped anyone deal with the emotional fallout from having those rose-coloured glasses taken off. I also don’t want to be blamed for a spate of fangirl suicides so I feel that it’s time that I stepped up to the plate with some assistance. Help for you deludus is here, Kpopalypse style!
Sport. I’m against it generally, and I’m even more against it in k-pop. This post is about why sport and k-pop need to remain separate, and I’ve made it because it’s one of those things that people are always asking me about. Usually I just say “I’m a musician – sport is against my religion” when people ask but since you blog readers are so lovely I feel like I owe you a little more detail and entertainment than that. Also I’m not seeing anyone else blogging about this shit and it’s a Kpopalypse specialty to brazenly wander into topics that other bloggers won’t touch with a ten foot T-ara lightstick for fear of being cyber-stoned to death by the Internet hordes.
WARNING: this post may contain Australian cultural trufax, including gratuitous references to Drop Bears.
I dropped a comment a while back stating that CL was the only female k-pop idol who displayed anything resembling stage presence. This horrified nearly everyone – fans of 2NE1 were concerned that this praise for CL was uncharacteristic of my normal online behaviour and perhaps indicative of massive hard drug use or mental breakdown, whereas everyone else was like “b-b-b-but, what about MY bias? I think they’re great! Doesn’t [insert bias here] have stage presence?”
Oh the wailing and gnashing of teeth when you tell a k-pop fan that their bias doesn’t have stage presence…. but they really don’t. This post will explain why they don’t have it, and also why you shouldn’t care.
That’s right cao ni mas, it’s time for another episode of:
You probably already know the rules, but here they are again:
- Less than 20,000 hits on YouTube
- Nobody outside Korea gives a shit
Let’s do it.
So, an article just came out about 2NE1’s Bom mailing drugs, and it reminded me that I’d been planning a post for a while now about drugs and the music business. I’m not really that interested in commenting on the Bom situation specifically (after all it’s already been done here, here, and of course here and probably countless other places by the time you read this, and plus I don’t really give a shit about it anyway, if she’s getting fucked up on some good shit good luck to her) but I thought instead k-pop fans might appreciate a general demystification around drugs, the music business, and how likely it is that their bias is about to sell their bodies for a shot of heroin or take bath salts and eat their manager’s face off.