I’m colour blind. Apparently, this is a completely fucking fascinating subject to absolutely everyone, judging by the amount of questions that I get asked about it when people find out. To cater to this incredible fascination, this post will include some awesome colour blindness facts (so if I get any more annoying questions about it I can just link people to here instead of answering them directly over and over) and also a test so you can test your own colour blindness – with k-pop, of course!
A few quick colour blindness trufax first, for colour vision deficiency noobs:
- Like pretty much everybody who has it, I was born colour blind.
- Because I was born colour blind, I don’t know what it’s like to see colour the way a non colour blind person does.
- I’m not completely colour blind, I’m supposedly “red/green” colour blind, also known as “deutan” or “deuteranomaly”, which affects about 5% of the male population (women can be colour blind too but it’s much rarer). Because every other colour in the rainbow has portions of either red or green in it, this basically fucks me for the whole colour spectrum in one way or another.
- Even though I’m colour blind, I still know what colours look like because when I was in school a teacher pointed to a red thing and said “this thing is red“. Bravo, education. Because of this, I had no idea that I was colour blind. I found out the truth when I went for my first job at age 18, and when the optometrist told me I initially thought she was a lying whorebag because her diagnosis took her all of about ten seconds. “But… what do you mean? I can see colour!” I exclaimed. She was right though… that bitch.
- Yes I can drive and see traffic lights just fine. I’m not allowed to fly an aircraft though.
- I spell it “colour”, not “color”, because I live in a country that doesn’t butcher the English language… well, at least not the spelling aspects of it, anyway.
- I’m aware that there are colour-corrective lenses out there but I’ve never tried them, only because I don’t give enough of a fuck to spend money on some shit that isn’t going to improve the quality of my life much. Besides, I don’t know what colour is supposed to look like, so how do I know if that shit is really working the way it’s supposed to?
So now that you’ve got all the facts, you may be wondering “could I also be colour blind?” Well, to find out the truth you could go to an optometrist, or you take a completely authoritative and legit online test that certainly isn’t designed to goad you into buying any products in particular, or instead you could take…
THE OFFICIAL AND COMPLETELY SCIENTIFIC KPOPALYPSE COLOUR BLINDNESS TEST
Question 1: Colour blind people are generally adept at perceiving big blocks of uniform colour, but perform poorly when lots of colours are mixed into a tight visual space. Please answer the following questions concerning this video:
- How many people are in this video, including backing dancers?
- How do you do that Roly Poly hand thing?
- Which girl’s boobs are the easiest to fap to?
Question 2: Colour anomalies in all types of colour blindness can affect depth perception. Please answer the following questions concerning this video:
- What is the approximate width and depth of the stage, in metric or imperial measurements?
- What the fuck is Tae Jin Ah wearing, is that shirt really puke-green?
- Did you have to focus on the jackets of the backing dancers to prevent nausea?
- If the answer to the previous question is “yes”, did it work?
Question 3: Colour blind individuals with various types of anomalous trichromacy can perceive optical illusions and size differentials with fast moving objects. Please answer the following questions concerning this video:
- What is the total amount of circular colour-fill stage lights in the background?
- Do your eyes sometimes confuse the adults with their miniature doppelgangers?
- Did the adult rapper and child successfully synchronise all dance moves from 1:21 to 1:30?
Question 4: Some colour blindness types, in particular monochromacy or total colour blindness, can alter perceived brightness levels, making ambient light seem brighter than it really is. This is true especially in brightly-lit indoor environments. Please answer the following questions concerning this video:
- How many different coloured dots are in Raina’s hair?
- How many cookies and ice creams are on the stage? Does the number change?
- Can you fap to this?
Question 5: Deuteranomaly or red/green colour blindness can make red objects appear to be more distant, and green objects to appear more in the foreground – or vice versa. Please answer the following questions concerning this video:
- Did you notice green objects in this video before or after you heard “JYP”?
- What percentage of the plants on the rotating rotundas appear as red?
- Do any of the rotundas stop moving at any point in the video?
Question 6: Colour perception in people with anomalous trichromacy and dichromacy decreases with light levels and saturation levels, often resulting in confusion in colour perception of the blue-purple-violet spectrum. Please answer the following questions concerning this video:
- Do the upper half of the girl’s costumes appear purple at the start of the video?
- Do the costumes still appear purple at 0:50?
- The brightest lights appear at the very end of the video. Do the costume colours appear to change again?
Congratulations, you’ve completed the ultra-scientific colour blindness test, and you now know everything there is to know about colour blindness! Or maybe not, but hey, at least you got to watch some k-pop videos! Cheers to you!