The ultimate K-POP ASSES for 2014 – 13 weapons of ass destruction!

Here it is, the one you’ve been waiting for – the ass post!

Because I’m not really an ass kind of guy, I left the selection of asses up to you – this list does not reflect my personal preferences but what you, the reader, enjoy the most.  I constructed this post in three stages using the following process:

  1. I collected ass suggestions from ask.fm and also from this Anti Kpop-Fangirl post.
  2. I put up a survey using your suggestions (plus a few more) so you can rate the suggested ass.
  3. I collated the data into the post that you’re now reading.

If your fave isn’t in these lists – it’s probably your own fault.  You should have nominated them when you had the chance, so it’s a little late to complain now.  Let’s be honest though – they probably wouldn’t have held their own against the winners anyway.  Drop your browser down low like a twerker and check out the results below.

sojigun

WARNING: GIF-heavy post.  I’ve used GIFs rather than still images as GIFs are less likely to be shopped, so we’re more likely to be evaluating the true assets in question.  Those with slow computers or Internet might need to click to load the page and then go make a cup of coffee or something while it loads.

Question 1: How are you?

I always ask how people are because I’m such a friendly person who is all about making friends and being nice to everybody at all times.  The results:

asssurv1

The survey didn’t have ass pictures because the survey is all about working out what ass pictures to give you.  I thought that would have been fairly obvious but I guess maybe not to everyone.  The survey software doesn’t really allow me to insert eye candy anyway, but I would have if it were possible!  Anyway sorry to anyone who felt click-baited by Qri’s delicious ass movements and I hope that this bottom-heavy post makes up for it.

Question 2: Rate female ass!

A big list was provided and participants were asked to vote once for each ass that met required standards.  I had over 600 responses, but not one single nominee scored 50% or higher, showing that within the realm of k-pop ass, subjectivity is king.  Here were the 13 winners, starting at #1 and working down, because when posting about asses we always move downward.

And the winner is:

*drum roll*

#1 –  SECRET – HYOSUNG – 296 votes

I honestly didn’t pick it – did you?  The Secret singer, underwear model and sexy Ilbe bug subjected my ass poll to some quick and thorough democratisation by turning up at the top of the vote, never once slipping from the top position (although at one stage during the voting process, she was only in the lead by one solitary vote-click).  47.4% of all poll participants decided that Hyosung met required standards.

There will be two GIFs for each winner in this section but since Hyosung is the winner and good GIFs of her ass are oddly hard to find, here’s a couple more especially selected by Kpopalypse for your enjoyment.

#2 – GIRL’S DAY – YURA – 292 votes

A firm favourite to do well, we all knew that Yurass would perform nicely in the results, especially as she may have picked up some sympathy vote from regular readers after having been left out of my boobs post.  Happy now?

#3 – SISTAR – BORA – 274 votes

Not one to usually top k-pop beauty polls, participants demonstrated excellent objectification prowess as per poll instructions to “rate asses only regardless of all other factors, positive and negative” by isolating and appreciating the Borass.

#4 – T-ARA – HYOMIN – 253 votes

 The #4 “love suggestion” was T-ara’s sexy ex-iljin goddess, proving that bad girls gone oh-so-good are the hottest.  Apparently a common iljin activity is to make others participate in “forced masturbation” – don’t we know it!  No need to force us, Hyomin – we’ll cum if we must!

#5 – GIRLS’ GENERATION – YURI – 249 votes

 For those of you who like your buns tightly packed, there’s Yuri.  Being a member of the world’s highest-profile girl group probably didn’t hurt her chances in this poll, but there’s no denying that in eyeballing these GIFS you have just witnessed the fitness.

#6 – KARA – NICOLE – 238 votes

 KARA’s “Mr.” still reigns supreme in my eyes as K-pop’s #1 butt dance despite the presence of several recent worthy contenders, and even though she is no longer in KARA, Nicole will probably continue to retain her crown into the near future as the genre’s chief practitioner of butt-dancing.

#7 – WASSUP – NADA – 225 votes

Video of Wassup’s recent fanservicey Maxim photo shoot propelled the 2013 nugus from twerking in obscurity to the bright lights of ass-stardom.  Nada’s delicious porn-inspired spread for the camera rallied the pervert troops, carrying the flag of glute-appreciation into battle against the haters and her inclusion in the top honours here was assured.

#8 – 4MINUTE – HYUNA – 205 votes

 Is it poppin’?  The verdict appears to be yes, and nobody need ask “whatcha doin’ today” because the answer is shortly going to be “fapping to Hyuna’s ass”.  Having seen it in the flesh I can tell you that Hyuna’s posterior looks even better in person.

#9  SISTAR – SOYOU – 203 votes

All that gym work is paying off for Soyu, who doesn’t display her rear talents nearly enough for my liking.  The #1 likely favourite of deployed South Korean troops everywhere, Sistar all posses excellent sculpted bodies and their posters have probably seen the inside of more military lockers than any other group.

#10 – SISTAR – HYOLYN – 200 votes

 Not to be outdone (well, not by more than a few votes), Sistar’s designated swimsuit-wearer Hyolyn also performed strongly.  Look at the eyes of the woman in the center of the top GIF – that’s the look of despair at suspecting that your boyfriend is fapping to Hyolyn’s ass instead of yours.

 #11 – T-ARA – JIYEON – 198 votes

Jiyeon has been amping up the hip-grinding for her latest cumback which has thrust her previously under-utilised lower half into the upper echelons of ass appreciator consciousness.  Not too many in K-pop are dropping it low like Jiyeon right now.

#12 – GIRLS’ GENERATION – TIFFANY – 195 votes

Unusual for k-pop, Tiffany has a relatively solid square-shaped figure for a female idol but that didn’t deter poll participants from noticing that nature abhors a straight line and that Tiffany still got that ass.  These Tiffany ass GIFs are my best friend – are they your best friend?

#13 – GIRL’S DAY – SOJIN – 191 posts

Rounding out the glutes on this ass-poll is Girls’ Day’s Sojin.  I always felt she was out-curved by the other members but it seems that I’m the one who got thrown for a curveball by these outstanding GIFs.  I may just have to fap to make it up to her.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS AND SCORES

BESTie – Dahye – 188
2NE1 – Minzy – 186
Ailee – 183
miss A – Fei – 170
f(x) – Victoria – 167
T-ara – Eunjung – 163
Rainbow – Hyunyoung – 163
Rainbow – Jaekyung – 162
AOA (Ass Of Angels) – Seolhyun – 158
NS Yoon G – 156
After School – Uee – 146
Nine Muses – Sera – 146
After School/Orange Caramel – Nana – 144
Clara – 141
Nine Muses – Kyungri – 141
miss A – Min – 140
miss A – Suzy – 139
Lee Hyori – 138
Brown Eyed Girls – Gain – 133
f(x) – Krystal – 126
Spica – Jiwon – 123
Apink – Naeun – 122
T-ara – Qri – 116
Brown Eyed Girls – Narsha – 114
Apink – Eunji – 112
Girl’s Day – Minah – 110
Girl’s Day – Hyeri – 105
AOA (Ass Of Angels) – Hyejeong – 102
Stellar – Minhee – 101
Rainbow – Woori – 101
f(x) – Sulli – 100

Question 3: rate male ass!

Because I intended on having 13 female winners I decided that I would ask for ratings on 13 guys too.  Got to keep it fair on the male ass-lovers, of course.  No male images here because this post is image-heavy enough, but there’s plenty of good sources of male ass out there.  Maybe one of the other Anti Kpop-Fangirl authors can do a big male ass post for the male ass fans, as long and exhaustive as this one.  How about it?  In the meantime, the results of my male ass poll are in:

maleass

Looks like f(x)’s Amber is the clear winner!

Okay, so Amber is actually female, but it’s not my fault you all voted for her.

Question 4: If you think that objectification of asses for either gender is wrong, please put your essay about why here. Please include parenthetical references in Harvard or MLA style where applicable. On the other hand if you’re okay with it, feel free to fill the text field with anything you want. You could let me know of any asses I missed, or how much you enjoyed clicking a certain person knowing that their ass would be counted, or you can whine about how I didn’t include that many male asses (I didn’t get many nominations, sorry). Alternatively you could leave it blank if you believe that ‘less is more’.

The results:

assassass

One of you hating lolcows wanted to know why I wanted a referenced essay, and suggested that I was implying that only uni students could have opinions on these things.  Actually the reason for it is that most of the anti-objectification crowd in k-pop are quite academically inclined and I was curious to see if they would participate and what they could come up with in terms of solidly backing up an anti-objectification argument.  Correct referencing is for everybody, not just Uni students, you snobby cunt.  One person actually obliged with referenced comments, which was great, and their response is included below because I appreciate the effort:

WTF no EXID Hani? Don’t say it’s our fault for not suggesting it. Why would anyone send it in if nobody can fathom why she wasn’t included on this poll in the first place? Worse still, where is kpopalypse hyungs butt? Where is your integrity as an almost-journalist? Why do I feel so entitled to your writing efforts? Hyung pls. Pls respond hyung. Sauce: Fag, Sulli. “EXID Hani.” Anti Kpop-Fangirl: EXID Hani. N.p., n.d. Web. 3 June 2014.
It wasn’t very anti-objectification though, in fact nobody wrote down a strictly anti-objectification response, because you’re all perverts like me.  Many of you sensibly left comments similar to this:
I don’t like boybands (i’m a lesbian) so I’m okay with the lack of dudes in the survey. There is enough fangirling over their ugly asses and their ugly faces as it is. Also i don’t think this is like, objetification? Last week I was watching a movie called “Helter Skelter” which is a satire of the model industry, and one of the characters says something like, “We’ll be forgotten. We’re machines for the processing of desires”, and that also applies for idols. They and their butts are already prepackaged for mass consumption. That’s it, bye 😀
And this:
I have learnt it’s OK to objectify celebs. We’ll never know what their true personalities are, so we’ll judge them based on what we DO know, visuals n body. I have to credit you (partly) for indirectly teaching me that. Have a good day, oppa!

And I appreciate it!  Glad you guys had fun/fapped.

Question 5: Did you enjoy the survey?

A pretty straightforward question to finish the survey off, because I always want to know if you guys like my content.  Results:

survyesno

And that’s it!  Thanks to everyone once again for participating, and even if you didn’t get to participate in the survey thanks for reading/fapping!  Also thanks to fiddle.se for the majority of the GIFs and all the other people out there such as Comekpop, Perving On Female Kpop and others doing the Lord’s work and GIFing ass!  And for those who were/are horribly offended by anything in the survey questions or answers, don’t worry – Kpopalypse will reflect and return with a more mature image… and more eye-candy!

Also, remember that ass posts on Kpopalypse blog are now a yearly thing – CLICK HERE to see how things changed in 2015!

4 thoughts on “The ultimate K-POP ASSES for 2014 – 13 weapons of ass destruction!

  1. Sometimes I can’t figure out whether I should be laughing, fapping or both! All of these articles are both gold in the aspects of the content you provide (ooh baby) and the actual written genius that comes with it. Keep going mate, everyone loves it! (If you don’t, you’re munted)

    P.s. Gonna take a stab and say you’re Aussie (just from the writing style etc)

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