It’s halfway through 2014 when writing this post and I already can’t count the amount of people who have asked me to throw down my opinions on my favourite songs of 2014. However, I deliberately make a point of not doing lists like that in advance in order to give every song a chance to be included, so you’re just gonna have to wait. In 2013 I even mercilessly mocked people who released “best of the year” lists many months before the year was over, so damned if I’m going down that route myself. While you’re waiting, to keep you happy/shut you up how about a similar post with a list of my favourite k-pop songs from the past few years before I started blogging?
Note before you read ahead that this post contains 30 YouTube videos and might take a while to load on slow computers or on your crappy iWhatsit or whatever you kids use these days.
Recently I made a post about how to deal with k-pop haters. In this post I focused on the most intelligent arguments that I could find against k-pop and took their arguments apart piece by piece, thereby (hopefully) demonstrating that it’s quite okay to like whatever music you like and other people can basically go and suck a fat dick if they have a problem with it.
However, it seems that this wasn’t exactly the kind of help that many of you readers needed. Quite a few regular blog followers responded with the observation that not every argument against k-pop is intellectual, and that instead of knowing what to say to the smart guys, you wanted to know what to say to the basic trolls with absolutely fuckin’ stupid arguments that make no goddamn sense at all. Never fear, Kpopalypse is here to help once again!
Welcome to Kpopalypse Endorsement Test, a new series where Kpopalypse uses product endorsements to answer the big questions affecting k-pop fans! In today’s episode we tackle the following question:
Are Korean actresses ‘on another level’ to K-pop idols?
It’s well-documented (by me) that I’m not much of a fan of writing song reviews. However, song reviews are also something that readers really like, and I always get bombarded with lots of requests to do them, so I try to do my best to cater to popular demand.
The last time I decided to review songs I wrote a Haiku review post, and looking back on it now, a thought occurred to me: Haiku is way too long. Who’s got time to read all those syllables just to find out what someone thinks? Certainly not the average k-pop listener – isn’t our short attention span and need for instant gratification part of the reason why we like k-pop in the first place?
Therefore, to satisfy the thirst for endless song reviews in the most appropriate manner possible, I asked for submissions via my ask.fm for songs that readers wanted me to review and got a bunch of responses, and now I’m going to review each one… in only five words! You’ll be hard-pressed to find any k-pop song reviews on the Internet more thoughtless and tossed-off than these! Enjoy (or bitch, your choice)!
I’m colour blind. Apparently, this is a completely fucking fascinating subject to absolutely everyone, judging by the amount of questions that I get asked about it when people find out. To cater to this incredible fascination, this post will include some awesome colour blindness facts (so if I get any more annoying questions about it I can just link people to here instead of answering them directly over and over) and also a test so you can test your own colour blindness – with k-pop, of course!
Here it is, the one you’ve been waiting for – the ass post!
Because I’m not really an ass kind of guy, I left the selection of asses up to you – this list does not reflect my personal preferences but what you, the reader, enjoy the most. I constructed this post in three stages using the following process:
- I collected ass suggestions from ask.fm and also from this Anti Kpop-Fangirl post.
- I put up a survey using your suggestions (plus a few more) so you can rate the suggested ass.
- I collated the data into the post that you’re now reading.
If your fave isn’t in these lists – it’s probably your own fault. You should have nominated them when you had the chance, so it’s a little late to complain now. Let’s be honest though – they probably wouldn’t have held their own against the winners anyway. Drop your browser down low like a twerker and check out the results below.
WARNING: GIF-heavy post. I’ve used GIFs rather than still images as GIFs are less likely to be shopped, so we’re more likely to be evaluating the true assets in question. Those with slow computers or Internet might need to click to load the page and then go make a cup of coffee or something while it loads.
Here’s the latest list of changes to the Kpopalypse site!
- 2012 Best Songs post: rewritten, edited to look sexier and now expanded from 22 to 30 songs! Please note that if you were linking from somewhere else to the 2012 post, the URL has now changed so your link will now be broken, you’ll need to edit it.
- Plagiarism post: broken video link removed and content edited slightly, headings improved.
- JongTomi post: headings improved. No more new Hitomi boobs added, sorry.
- All Nugu Alert series posts: a popular nugu video channel on YouTube went down and broke most of the links I was using. Fixed and repaired all links.
- 2013 Worst Songs post: fixed link for Heart Rabbit Girls video.
- 2013 Best Songs post: fixed links for Wassup and TREN-D videos.
- Drinking game post: rearranged and sexed up a little, broken image link removed
Let me know if you spot more broken stuff! And yes I’m aware of the link to Allkpop forums in my netizen post is not working, but I think Allkpop are working on a fix. Or maybe they’re not…. but hey, who cares, it’s only Allkpop, it’s not like it’s anything important.
Also let me know if you spot reposted or translated Kpopalypse articles or discussions, because I’ll link to them from my index!
Have fun and enjoy life – more posts soon!