Haiku song reviews – many reviews in one post – can you handle it?

People are always / asking me for all my “thoughts” / about k-pop songs

I normally do / not review songs, I find it / boring as batshit

But due to demand / I will make an exception / and review some songs

Please now enjoy these / Korean pop songs reviews / in Haiku format

These are all for songs / that I have been asked for my / “thoughts” on recently

euhan

Girls’ Generation – Mr. Mr.

Just because it is / better than I Got A Boy / does not say a lot

2NE1 – Crush

They love me cos I’m / using cringeworthy English / where is my rifle

BESTie – Thank You Very Much

That cheesy chorus / cripples a good song, oh well / at least they look good

TVXQ – Something

IU’s “Modern Times” / has made jazz big bands trendy / now we pay the price

K.will & Mamamoo – Peppermint Chocolate

Ride on K.will’s fame / smart publicity move, girls / pity the song sucks

AOA – Miniskirt

No-one gave a shit / about this group until now / sexy concepts work

Dal Shabet – Big Baby Baby

A really good song / hope The Eurythmics don’t sue / good luck with that, girls

Stellar – Marionette

Once I stopped fapping / I noticed the song was good / nobody else cared

T-ara – First Love

This sounds a lot like / all their other fucking songs / that’s not a bad thing

Rain – 30Sexy

Go back to the front / shatter North Korean shells / with that falsetto

GP Basic – Pika-Burnjuck

Dubstep please fuck off / out of Korean pop songs / you have no place here

Hyorin – Let It Go

Are you kidding me / I’m over eight years old cunt / fuck this Disney trash

MBLAQ – Smoky Girl

Smoky girl smoky / girl smoky girl smoky girl / too repetitive

Girl’s Day – Nothing Lasts Forever

This is really good / where did this songwriter go / hire him back, you whores

T-ara N4 – Jeon Won Diary

It didn’t need all / those extra sections in it /  it’s really too long, and the structure is / all over / the place, it could have / used some trimming down, like, seriously edit that fucker – remove / all the pointless sections /and we don’t need Taewoon rapping in every CCM song these days do we / other than that I guess it was okay / they have worse songs I suppose

*

The next list is all / fan video submissions / from my ask fm

I told followers / to submit videos that /  they wanted “thoughts” on

And that I would then / put my answers in a blog / for them to visit

They were not told that / I would use haiku format / for the reviewing

I received over / 100 song submissions / these are the best ones

hanqri

*

Infinite – Be Mine

This song is decent / wow a good Infinite song / sometimes pigs do fly

Kahi ft. Dumbfoundead – It’s Me

What a boring song / I guess Kahi’s time is up / unemployable

Clazziquai Project – Sweetest Name

Jamiroquai sucks / so do any Koreans / ripping off his trash

Clazziquai Project – Love Recipe

Haiku verses are / not sufficient to describe / how boring this is

Wonder Girls ft. Akon – Like Money

Great Shodan concept / but Sohee’s hair is horrid / time to shoot myself

Lyn ft. Junhyung – Breakable Heart

Worthless ballad trash / why k-pop fans like this shit / I have no idea

Lyn – I Like This Song

Raping my eardrums / stop making music right now / my ears will thank you

Spica – Painkiller

Called “Painkiller” but / not a Judas Priest cover / I am disappoint

Bumkey ft. Dynamic Duo – Attraction

Why is most k-rap / wimpy soft R&B shite / Ellin is hot though

Gain – Bloom

Boring disco funk / but it’s okay because I / don’t need sound to fap

Girls’ Generation – Genie

League of Legends skins / is the only worthwhile thing / that this song produced

U-KISS – Neverland

I have this album /  I tried to give it away / no-one wanted it

Shinhwa – Throw My Fist

If I was that girl / I would have picked the guy with / no greasy mullet

Rain – Love Song

Singing in her ear / take your shit ballad elsewhere / she just wants some sleep

4minute – Is It Poppin?

What’s Your Name was crap / this is slightly better but / so is lung cancer

TVXQ – Rising Sun

The only good song / TVXQ ever had / as a five piece group

K.will  – Please Don’t

K-pop fans are dumb / I saw the plot twist coming / 40 seconds in

2NE1 – Come Back Home

Song starts off okay / why does it go all stupid / trendy fucking shit

Puer Kim – Manyo Maash

What is “manyo maash”? / maybe she means her cleavage / I’m not complaining

Nine Muses – News

The most consistent / nine member k-pop girl group / in the world today

T-ara – Falling U

I forgot this group / had a ballad this awful / unlistenable

euhan3

B.A.P – Power

Great early concept / why they also do soft songs / I don’t fucking know

Gain ft. Bumkey – Fuck U

Why did the label / x over the naughty word / when she still sings it?

B2ST – Shadow

Shinsadong Tiger / must take them on Bangbus trips / book them now, ladies

NS Yoon-G ft. Jay Park – If You Love Me

Watched the whole MV / saw almost zero boobies / what a waste of time

APink – My My

Apink: a request / please do a sexy concept / just to troll k-netz

Lee Ji Hye – Rocket Power

This sounds a lot like / T-ara’s Apple Is A / except not as good

Girls’ Generation – Galaxy Supernova

Why such a low res / what good is SNSD / without the perving

Tasty – Day And Night

Who builds a sports court / with concrete posts in the way / how fucking stupid

Nell – Four Times Around The Sun

Nell is fucking shit / why get excited by this / third-rate Coldplay clone

TVXQ – Mirotic

Sounds a bit EXO / I guess these days EXO get / SM’s reject songs

Infinite – BTD

 Guard tower unmanned / hey sniper get back up there / your work not finished

CNBlue – Love Girl

Tip for single men: / breaking into her bedroom / not a good idea

Sistar19 – Ma Boy

Bora and CL / should release a rap project / called “bad meaning bad”

Davichi – Turtle

Hyoyoung crawls into / her sister’s gaping cunthole / and finds a rodent

Bohemian – There Is No Sun

They blocked out the sun / burning junk to make MVs / for shit k-ballads

Shinhwa – Venus

This veteran group / should have enough business clout / to refuse dubstep

Itaewon Freedom ft. J. Y. Park

JYP should have / given this song to miss A / not that Hush garbage

KARA – Lupin

DSP hate them / fixing aspect ratio / low priority

Girl’s Day – Kyawooddung

Wow Girl’s Day sure had / some complete fucking stinkers / in the early days

VIXX – On And On

Nazi fetish look / without swastika armbands? / cake without icing

Tae Jin Ah – I Love You, Darling

The best song ever / my purpose in life complete / I can die happy

jiyhany2

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