KPOPALYPSE’s website search terms for 2013

The other day, my website flashed up a little reminder that told me it’s been exactly one year since I started blogging!  Wow!  So I thought I’d collect some fun stuff for your entertainment, to say thank you for bothering to visit.

As it happens, blogging sites do quite a bit of data-mining.  WordPress where I host my own site as it happens really data-mines out the ass, so I’m going to let you into my brightly-coloured data-mining cave which doesn’t look anything like a vagina and show you some of what’s inside.

The Kpopalypse website collects all the search terms it can from people who find the site via search engines.  Not every search is collected from every engine, but it does collect quite a few.  Here are the most popular search terms for 2013, with the most popular at the top:

kpopalypse
kpop porn
hitomi tanaka
kpop drinking game
allkpop forums
hang mioku
k pop porn
kpop fap material
korean netizen
k-pop porn
korean idol porn

A theme seems to be developing.

Digging deeper into the list are hundreds of search terms people have used,  and reading through the list I began to feel empathy towards the poor people searching for valued knowledge which may have not been something that I’ve addressed in a blog.  So I thought I’d take a moment to address those unanswered queries in the hope that those people are still searching, find this website again and this time stumble upon the answer.

(Note: some links might be not safe for work.  I’ll let you guess which ones.  Have fun clicking.)

how to fap when all school blocked porn

A great question.  Internet access to the best porn sites at school is often restricted, and even sites likes this one can sometimes come up in school blocking filters.   While porn magazines can be a useful substitute they are not ideal as they are tricky to conceal, embarrassing if your friends stumble across them and easily found with a quick bag search.  However, what your teacher is unlikely to do is sift through the file folders on your study laptop.  Create a folder on your laptop called something mundane like “system” and bury it a few folders deep, and load it up with fap material in advance.  For extra security you can make the folder hidden, and also go to your control panel’s file/folder options and make sure “recently opened documents” isn’t something that your computer stores for any length of time and that it doesn’t default to the last documents opened.  This should be enough to get past all but the most tech-savvy teachers should you get your laptop confiscated.  The ultimate in temporary security – pack all your porn into one big .zip archive file, then rename the file as studynotes.doc or something, then hide it, and rename it back to whatever.zip when you want to extract the files for fapping pleasure.  After you’re done, delete the individual files but keep the archive.  Just remember where the archive is and not to accidentally overwrite it with real study notes or delete it when the semester ends.

girl dress up as kylie minogue can’t get you out of my head sucks cock

This is a tricky search to perform, at least with these criteria.  Incredibly, if you type this into Google, a blog post that I wrote does indeed come up as the first hit.

kyl

The result only get more and more unrelated after this.  Simplifying the search to “kylie minogue cosplay” mainly generates images from when she played Cammy in the horrid 1994 Street Fighter movie.

kyl2

This doesn’t look much like the “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head” video though.

The video reminded me a little bit of not only 2NE1’s style but also the kinds of clothes ladies wear in a lot of German pee-fetish porn, so maybe you should search some of that stuff up if you’re into that kind of thing.  Hey, I wonder if there’s a connection between those three things…

kpop idols who eat pussy

I found this.  I hope it meets required standards.  Don’t thank me all at once, female readers.

how much to escort hitomi tanaka in japan?

how+much+i+have+to+pay+to+fuck+hitomi+tanaka

hithit

It’s unlikely that Hitomi does escort work.  My research revealed that only the lower end of Japanese AV stars tend to fall into that kind of work and only once their AV careers are over, whereas a more famous AV actress would be more likely to work in hostess clubs if anything.  Hitomi being one of the most active and sought after Japanese AV stars probably earns plenty just from AV and modelling alone and I doubt she’d feel the need to diversify her income stream to this extent, at least for now.

However, I asked for you anyway.

hitesc

I’ll let you know if I get a response, however I’m sure she gets dozens of tweets like this so you may have to be patient.

that, what does he have that i don’t why can’t i have you g dragon

It’s true that “opposites attract” but only in terms of personality, for instance someone who talks a lot is usually more attracted to the “silent type” etc.  When it comes to relationships, it’s important to have common ground, otherwise what the fuck are you going to talk about once you’ve finished jizzing on each other.  That’s why famous people are usually only ever getting it on with other famous people.  Case like Liz Taylor and that handyman or whatever are straospherically rare (and that relationship failed anyway), they’re meteor-hitting-your-house unlikely.  When you’re in the public eye, you’re never quite sure if a random stranger who wants to get to know you is genuine or is just doing it so they can show off to their friends about it, or because they have some weird idealised version of what you are like inside their head (pretty much guaranteed in a k-pop fan’s case) or for career advancement reasons or media blackmail or whatever.  Therefore, if you really want to date a k-pop star, the best way is to get in the k-entertainment industry yourself and then get yourself on a similar level of stardom and THEN bump into them at a party or something, or failing that just pass your contact details to Shinsadong Tiger who will do the rest.  Good luck with that.

how does kpop deal with menstrual

…cramps?  With dances that soothe those cramps away.

number+of+people+who+go+on+allkpop+per+day

Here’s my Allkpop web traffic simulator.

do you know any gay clubs around here? seungri asked how did ou know i was

There’s only one gay nightclub in my city which is the Mars Bar.   I don’t know if Seungri has been to this establishment.

different styles that a woman can av sex with herself?

sepo

why do some kpop singer have microphones and some doesnt

Because some of them are singing and some of them are not!

However if you look close you’ll often see a very small flesh-coloured headset mic on them.  If an idol has one of these mics but others have a big serious-looking mic, it’s usually because the person with the headset mic isn’t doing singing parts which are as important.   Headset mics never sound as good as handheld mics, so in a situation where there aren’t enough good mics to go around, you give the good mics to the good singers and the headset mics to the people who look pretty so a big fugly grey stick isn’t getting in the way of fancams.  Other reasoning could be that people need both hands free to do certain dance moves and sometimes the entire group will use headset mics for this reason.

if snsd weren’t idols what jobs would they do

I shall refer you again to this link.

g-dragon acts like a little kid

why does g-dragon act like a woman

why does g dragon act black

what is g dragon really like

He’s like a black female child, according to my readers.

junial primary school girls movies fucked

I did a search for you but it appears Juniel is yet to make her AV debut.

juniel-11

Here’s a picture of Juniel posing next to IU’s couch…

juuu

…and another of her in a school uniform with some guy from CNBlue.  You’ll have to let your imagination join the dots.

juniel armpit

What the fuck.  No.

jiyeon strip video download

It took a bit of hunting around, but I found it at this link.

office assistant blowjob gif

Try this link.  Okay, not an office, or a blowjob, but close enough.  I’m trying to keep my blog PG-rated here, stop fucking it up for me.

haunted tunnel in russia kpop manager   

This one’s so delightfully random.  I searched around for this, trying to find out what this person was fishing for, but I came up with nothing.  Does anyone know?  Post in the comments below.

Last one…

why sulli so sexy

I don’t know either.  Good fucking question, but she certainly is.  Sorry I couldn’t help you with this.  Some things are just beyond my level of expertise.

I hope this blog was educational anyway!  Look forward to another search term roundup at the end of 2014!

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