Dani is a perfect 10

I live in Australia, but I’m not a “patriot” (ewww gross) or a “proud Australian” (bleuuurgh), because anyone who is a “proud Australian” actually isn’t culturally Australian whatsoever – they’re a fake, a tryhard.  We don’t even have people like that.  If you ever see a group of drunk Australians watching a sports match, and the Australians are winning, and the drunks start cheering and shouting “Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi”… those are not real Australians, they are “decoy Australians” deployed by our government to fool potential terrorist threats so they hopefully detonate the bomb in the wrong spot.  If you catch a Southern Cross tattoo on some exposed flesh that just means they’re part of the “elite decoy unit”.  There probably isn’t even real beer in those glasses but some kind of flame-retardant liquid (or maybe it’s Fosters, unquestionably not a real beer but a British beer that nobody in Australia even drinks).


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Why the Fapgod has a seat in heaven reserved for IU


Imagine being IU for a moment.  I know that might be tricky, but don’t worry – I’ll help.

I don’t mean imagine being IU right at this moment in her career, but imagine being her back in the twilight of “Nation’s Little Thinly-Veiled Sexual Fetish Object For Desperate Pedophiles Looking For Something To Fap Over That They Won’t Get Arrested For Sister” days.  What might that be like?  Let’s imagine.

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