This blog was inspired partly by a fascinating comment that came through my ask.fm account last week:
I admit that I just typed in the first reply that came into my head at the time, but later on, this post got me thinking. The fact that someone even bothered to take precious seconds out of their day to post this asspaper of a non-question shows to me that we’re living in an age where having more knowledge than somebody else is actually considered to be an insult. According to hip, trendy young folks (I’m assuming the person who typed this is young and very hip judging from cutting-edge jargon like “LOL” and their refusal to finish a sentence with proper punctuation because young people don’t have time for that in today’s fast-paced world), if you’re someone who “knows stuff” then somehow that’s “bad”, and you should just shut your fucking mouth so other people can be blissfully stupid and ignorant without your interference. How did society become this way? Surely it wasn’t always like this? Here’s one theory:
Does this theory apply to k-pop fans? To find out, I did what any rational person would do, and asked a bunch of them over at Onehallyu (the most active k-pop forum I can find these days that doesn’t suck advertiser penis). Here’s what I got in return:
Derp quota in k-pop fandoms as per the above theory sitting at just over a third. That’s alarmingly high, but perhaps no great surprise. Maybe we should be surprised that it isn’t even higher.
Of course, knowing that there is a high concentration of stupidity in k-pop fandoms is no great revelation – if it wasn’t the case, could a site like Anti Kpop-Fangirl even continue to exist? Therefore the question, as usual, is not “is there a problem?” but “what the fuck is anybody going to do about this?”.
I’m sure you’ve all jerked it a few times to the MV for After School’s great new 70s-funk-inspired Japanese song “Heaven” by now. I know that as a Raina fan (if you disagree, good – I don’t need other k-pop fans cutting my lunch when she retires and is looking to settle down thanks) I certainly “appreciated” her bedroom scene:
Not to mention the other bed scene with Nana and only the barest hint of faux lesbianism:
Lizzy prowling around on the couch in short-shorts was also quite welcome:
But the best thing about After School’s new video isn’t any of this stuff. It’s the fact that they’re making being smart sexy. This is exhibited partly in the welcome return of the pole-dancing, which is not just stripper-by-numbers but truly some next-level shit typical of the best After School comeback concepts:
(If you don’t think this requires brain power, just fucking look at it – it’s like a jigsaw, only fuckable. Sure there’s only 8 pieces, but what pieces. If you think this is just for untalented sluts, get your stupid dumb skanky friends at school or college to try and emulate this and see how they go. Where I live there’s actually places where you can go and study and get a formal certification in this shit. Not even joking.)
But where After School really throw their cards on the table is the sexualisation of books. Heaven forbid I try to gently and politely suggest to anybody in the k-pop fandom that perhaps opening a book occasionally could be a good idea for them, it’s a pretty fucking uphill battle anywhere that k-pop fandoms hang out. Here’s me commenting on a Netizenbuzz article concerning netizens’ latest bee up their ass – “too many idols on too many variety shows“:
Just hope you’re never stuck in a broken lift and forced to make interesting conversation with any of the six people who downvoted that one. Even BoA578’s good-natured “lol” collected 4 downvotes, anyone would think that user told everyone to suck Hitler’s cock or something.
I clearly can’t make books interesting to k-pop fans all on my own. After School are making my job a lot easier though, by deploying some sexiness into the equation:
If I knew that Raina’s “Basic Instinct” tease was waiting for me behind the desk of my library, I think I’d be asking to see my local reference section a lot more than I currently do. Who knows, I might even read something while I’m there. And watching Nana consult her vast library for a hard copy of “Aesthetics of Pole Dancing Volume 6a – Pectoral Enhancement For A Cups” should be enough to make anyone throw away their lame e-readers and build up a book collection in the hope that girls will notice.
After School would make John Waters proud.
Thanks to their efforts in restoring fap to libraries, maybe not all hope is lost. Don’t forget to do your part. Go to your local library today and bang the first hot person you see, or failing that just do what I do and make stupid posts on the Internet about how books are awesome and shit. Bookmarking this post and the new After School video for “later use” is also highly recommended.
(Massive debt once again to Comekpop who went way above the call of duty to bring you the fappable goodness)