I live in Australia, which is a country where we don’t have many of those fancy “rights” things, like what some of you other swanky posh countries get. Freedom of speech enshrined in the law? Not fucking likely, cunt. Right to bear arms? You can’t even carry around a gun that fires fucking vegetables. And if they arrest you for carrying that super-deadly shit, you don’t even have the right to remain silent, you filthy fucking criminal scum. I’m jealous of you folks who live elsewhere and can just whip out the old “you’re infringing on my legal rights” line when the shit goes down, that’d be some cool shit to be able to do around where I live. Australians are pretty much lucky if we’re not in jail 24/7. Oh wait.
All of this harsh oppression that I experience daily (exacerbated by my heritage which is German and Chinese, two countries well versed at various periods in history with “shut up and lie in that ditch over there” so you can imagine what my upbringing was like) means that I sympathise heavily with anybody anywhere who flaunts their legal (or imagined) right to act like a complete cuntfaced bitch in public. Latest exhibit: Sulli of f(x).
Apparently she said “Cao Ni Ma” which means “fuck your mother” i.e “motherfucker” in Chinese, on some TV show nobody gives a shit about. The official explanation is that she was repeating the word someone else said to her without her knowing what it meant, but given that Sulli has a track record of being called out for being a cuntfaced mole behind the scenes I don’t buy that explanation. I think she knew exactly what it meant and was getting to grips with the word so she could insult the other Chinese-speaking f(x) members next time they hogged all the good blankets in the dorms.
Now I know what you’re thinking – “HOW DARE YOU BASH MY SULLI SHE IS THE GREATEST”. But if you are thinking this, well, this is where I’m going to turn the tables. I’m not bashing Sulli, in fact I think what she did was fucking righteous and awesome, whether intentional or not. I think that idiots who think idols are perfect angels with no flaws is part of the ongoing mental health issues plaguing k-pop fandoms and that idols should and in fact need to be overtly rude every so often to remind mentally ill fans that they are just human. I’m fed up with all these nice groups who pretend to be cool with each other all the time when you know that at least 25% of them are a breath away from scratching each other’s eyes out.
Watching any episode of Loen Entertainment’s “Let’s Dance” is always funny as fuck. (I’ve just picked a random one here.) I love it how when one member talks, all the others just smile and kind of nod half-heartedly in agreement as if to say “oh yes, that’s such a good point” even when the person speaking is saying something really obvious-as-fuck. The insincerity is so thick you could cut it with a knife. You just know that they’re all going to get crammed into a minibus and driven to six more schedules after this video shoot and then they’ll go back to the dorms where they eat together at the one table and then sleep in shoebox-style accomodation so close together they can smell each other’s body odours, while their hatreds of each other inevitably fester and their menstrual cycles gradually synchronise. That’s life on the production line and it’s a wonder these groups last as long as they do. How SNSD has survived since 2007 without a lineup change is anybody’s guess. My point being that I’m not saying Sulli specifically is a cuntfaced mole, I’m say ALL k-pop group members are cuntfaced moles by default because that’s what the industry turns a person into – some are just better at hiding it, others are a bit more emotionally honest. The ones who come off sweet and nice are either just really good at shrugging off the incredible amounts of fuckery the job brings with it, or have a really good emotional punching bag that you don’t know about – either someone else in the group, or maybe a member of the support staff like a hairdresser or makeup person or something. So in the context of all that, there’s really no point getting all wound up about one member swearing on some fucking TV show.
Let’s get back to the term “Cao Ni Ma” for a moment, which means “fuck your mother” or “motherfucker” (not “rape your mother” as some Korean netizens have melodramatically claimed in their childlike and transparent attempt to make Sulli look as dirty as possible). Hey, look at these cute plush toys!
These cute little critters are replicas of a wild animal that lives in China known as the “grass mud horses”. They live mainly in North China’s Mahler Gobi desert, however river crabs often invade their habitat and this is causing problems for their continued existence. What the fuck has this got to do with anything, you ask? Well, let’s look at the pronunciation of “Grass Mud Horses” in Mandarin:
Grass Mud Horses = 草泥马 cǎo ní mǎ – sounds like – cào nǐ mā 肏你妈 = Fuck Your Mother
“Grass Mud Horses” has become a bit of an Internet meme in China, it’s a way of saying “motherfucker” that circumnavigates and parodies China’s Internet censorship.
The region of the Gobi Desert where the Grass Mud Horses are known to reside, is naturally known as the:
Grass Mud Horse Gobi Desert = 草泥马戈壁 cǎo ní mǎ gē bì – sounds like – cào nǐ mā ge bī 肏你妈个屄 = Fuck Your Mother’s Cunt
The “river crab” that threatens the habitat of the Grass Mud Horse:
River Crab = 河蟹 héxiè – sounds like – héxié 和谐 = Harmony
Maintaining a “harmonious society” is a common justification by the Chinese authorities for their Internet censorship. So the running joke on the Internet in China is that the “Grass Mud Horse” representing freedom from censorship is under threat from “River Crabs” – the Chinese authorities. It’s a way for Chinese to criticise the government openly in a way that the government can’t do much about without looking ridiculous telling people to stop talking about horses and crabs.
So a bit of cào nǐ mā from Sulli is:
* A refreshingly honest slip-up in the overly staid world of k-pop
* A valuable tool to snap fans out of their delusions
* Symbolic of standing up for freedom against oppression
Therefore, in the interests of making the world a fairer place where people globally can express themselves freely without fear of censorship or oppression from prying fangirls OR prying governments, I believe it’s time that this meme spread to the rest of the world, and we make Sulli an ambassador for global free speech. Maybe she can lead my country out of the darkness. What do you think?
I think nui bi 牛逼 – fucking awesome.
For more sexy cao ni ma action click here.