JongKey? Try JongTomi!

Two months ago an interesting image crossed my path on some news sites that didn’t seem to make much of a ripple in the world of k-pop, but which certainly caught my personal attention a great deal.

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Jonghyun from SHINee being wished a happy birthday with a love message from Japanese AV star Hitomi Tanaka.  I first found about this on an Allkpop article which I can’t find anymore and has presumably been deleted in the transition to their shithouse new Adblock-hostile format everybody except them and their advertisers hates.  From memory, the mood of the reaction from SHINee fans in the article was basically something like this:

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Because I don’t trust a single thing that k-pop news media says ever ever EVER without rigorously fact-checking (something the news sites themselves seem to rarely even bother to do, preferring to act as a free Ctrl+C/Ctrl+V service), for verification I sailed on over to Hitomi’s Twitter account, to confirm.  There it was.  Then, in tried-and-true k-pop scandal manner, she deleted the tweet, probably after getting an earnest private message from Jonghyun saying “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO RUIN MY CAREER!?!” or similar.

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I then waited for the inevitable flood of rumour-mill articles, and… nothing.  Nobody picked up on this ball and ran with it.  TIEM TO FIX.

This interests me not as a fan of SHINee (I liked Lucifer and… well okay, that’s really about it tbh) but as a fan of Hitomi (won’t go into details, but then I don’t really have to, do I).  Yeah, a few k-pop girls are kind of cute, but…

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…let’s be honest.  K-pop girls are not really in the race here.  Hell, I’m pretty sure they don’t even know where the race is being held.

The tweet also interests me because I’m aware that a few of the more mentally-challenged fangirls out there enjoy a bizarre religious-cult-like practice known as “shipping”, where they pair their (male) k-pop crushes with other (often male) k-pop crushes in their own imaginations (which seems odd in a society that seems quite homophobic in a lot of other ways but moving right along).  Then the more extreme “shippers” will do the tried-and-true netizen-style “I’d like to believe that this is true, because it kind of seems true-ish-sorta-kinda even though I have fuck-all actual proof and zero insider knowledge, so I’m going to construct as much strawman evidence as I can out of various images, videos etc to support what I already believe and ignore everything else” (see: every k-pop controversy ever) in order to give strength to their OTP (excuse me while I throw up in my own mouth a little).  I’m also aware that one of the more popular ships is “JongKey”.  For a summary of what they believe straight from the hive-mind of the mentally ill, look no further than Urban Dictionary:

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Etc.  However, JongKey seems unlikely to me, and more importantly where these things are concerned I don’t really WANT to believe it, so in true netizen style (i.e with no actual evidence, just a bunch of shit and guesswork) I’m going to posit an alternate case for JongTomi.  Take notes.

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Jonghyun and Hitomi Tanaka are OTP: THE IRONCLAD PROOF*

1.  Hitomi tweeted Jonghyun to wish him a happy birthday, and told him that she loved him

No big deal, right?  Could be in jest, yeah?  But wait.  How many people’s birthdays do you actually remember?  I only remember two – my own birthday, and my girlfriend’s birthday.  Because it’s important that you remember someone’s birthday if you want them to share a bed with you and do more than hog all the sheets and blankets.  Plus “I love u so much”?  Say no more.

Of course, maybe it’s not like that, and she remembered his birthday instead because she’s a crazy obsessed fangirl herself.  That’s a possibility, but this of course only makes her more likely to fuck him.  So either she’d fucked him already when she sent that tweet, or was just about to, because if I was Jonghyun and I got a tweet like that from Hitomi I’d sure as shit be replying and teeing something up on my next Japan visit.  And don’t think that’s not possible – it’s actually pretty easy to have sex with pornstars, even if they DON’T like you.  Depending on who it is, often you just need to be in the right place at the right time, with some cash and preferably also a camera.  Shouldn’t be too much of a challenge for a celebrity in an A/B-list group.  All that would be lacking is time out of your busy schedule.  Which brings us to…

2.  Jonghyun’s “accident” isn’t confirmed, and the timing suspiciously coincides with Hitomi’s tweet.

At least when Secret and T-ara had car crashes there was plenty of accident porn posted so we knew it was real, yet people were skeptical and nasty because they didn’t want to believe it because they would then have to face the reality of being caught out as worthless cunts cyberbullying car accident victims.  On the other hand good fucking luck finding a single image or video of Jonghyun’s alleged car crash, or any hospital footage or anything of Jonghyun verifiably injured in any way, yet so far nobody has questioned the legitimacy of the accident story, presumably because he’s male and fangirls adore him and not some oppa-stealing whore.  Also:

When did Jonghyun get “nose surgery” after his “car accident” and announce time off?  April 9th. 

When did Hitomi tweet him?  April 8th.

You do the math.

Sure, you might be thinking “she’s just being nice to him specifically because he got in that accident and all” but she didn’t give the same shout-out to Zinger (or whatever the fuck she’s calling herself now) or Soyeon.  Why not?  Because she doesn’t want to bang either of those two, that’s why not.  Look on the Internet for Hitomi lesbian AVs – there’s only a few compared to the mountains of AVs of her taking on 12 guys at a time in the back of a bus etc. – clearly the girl has a preference for guys.

3.  Jonghyun doesn’t give a fuck

He doesn’t even acknowledge or make eye contact with the saesangs anymore.  He looks perfectly healthy too.  A bit tired and worn out maybe, but then you would be too if you had to heft those boobs around on a daily basis for a month.  Clearly he’s thinking more about what’s waiting for him when he gets inside:

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If you can, try tearing your eyes away from Hitomi herself and check out that background.  Look familiar?  Yes, it seems obvious that Hitomi has her own Super Junior-style oddly-lit tiled room especially built for her in SM Entertainment HQ.

4.  Hitomi shows signs of being ready for a serious relationship

According to 100% reliable and credible online big-boobs wiki Boobpedia, Hitomi hasn’t made an AV since October 2012.  (If I’m wrong here, please alert me to any newer material, preferably with links to easily-downloaded proof so I can confirm the source thanks.)

Other recent and entirely trustworthy sources confirm that Hitomi is trying to steer her career away from hardcore AVs and into more softcore modelling.

It’s clear that she wants something serious and is steering away from the hardcore sex scenes in the films so she can enjoy sex more in her personal life.  AV sex professionals rarely get all that raunchy when the cameras are off for the same reason why cooks rarely cook at home – if you spend 12 hours a day preparing and cooking food the last thing you want to do when you knock off work is prepare and cook food some more.  The joke’s on you if you date a chef thinking you’re going to get great home-cooked food every day, or date a porn star thinking that you’re going to get to simulate Hitomi’s scenes in “J-Cup Big Tits Temporary Staff“.  You’d be better off paying if you want that – a candlelight dinner and then missionary position with the lights out is far more likely when you’re in a relationship with an active pornstar, because that’s something she can’t get at work.  So how do you make cooking – or sex – more enjoyable in your private life?  Stop doing it at work.  Hitomi is clearly making that transition for the benefit of herself and that special someone.

SUMMARY:

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I had a really good summary written but then my blog software didn’t save it, so let’s just look at this picture.  I forgot what my point was anyway.  Tits.

* Actually this is all circumstantial bullshit.  Hey, total lack of solid evidence is good enough for TaJinyo/T-Jinyo, so it’s good enough for me.  Hitomi, if you’re reading this, oppa didn’t mean it.

8 thoughts on “JongKey? Try JongTomi!

  1. Hey Kpopalypse! Long time no speak 😥

    FYI, I actually do think Jongkey is real. As a gay man with a gaydar, mine goes RIGHT off for Jonghyun (and also Key), and there’s something about all the old fan-made compilations of them together that is different to the usual fan-made compilations. If you watch them it seriously looks like Jonghyun was totally in love with Key. A lot of clips is obviously just boys being boys and horsing around, but there’s little moments and touches captured off guard that reflect the way you touch or look at someone you’re in love with. Jonghyun has always been one I’ve really felt is truly gay.

    Also, my K-pop insider who has given me 100% legit K-goss before (ie. informing me ahead of time when a member is about to drop out of a group, or leaking me music in advance, that kind of thing) told me he heard from one of SHINee’s stylists that Jonghyun is gay and used to anonymously surf gay dating apps a lot.

    Of course, this is still all gossip, and you can never trust gossip until it’s proven true, so all I’m going from here is some he said she said and a gut feeling, but I do think Jonghyun is more than likely bent.

    The whole Hitomi thing is interesting though. It’s definitely not out of the question for him to actually be straight and banging some porn star. Celebrities sleep with porn stars on a regular basis. Many of them are high-end escorts on the side.

  2. This theory is interesting. while i do believe that Jonghyun was hurt b/c he lost a lot of weight i also think there may be SOME truth to this theory. In Shinee’s Some wonderful day book, Key bought Jonghyun a bottle opener that had a women’s body with huge boobs. the caption read ” Jonghyun hyung’s gift. no explanation needed.” If this is true, I think it was done only to get back at Key for not accepting him and starting a new “friendship” with someone else. the timeline is a litte off b/c Some Wonderful day was filmed before Jonghyun’s bday, but Tomi’s twitter post afterwards would explain why Key bought the bottle opener in the first place.

    I do think Jongkey is/was real..but Key is tired of being Jonghyun’s doormat and wants Jonghyun to only be with him or not be with him at all. Jonghyun also seemed to be struggling with his own sexuality. personally i think he had something going with Kyuhyun of suju. I think that relationship may have been his first real gay relationship where he went all the way. He’s very personal with him sometimes and gives Kyuhyun these looks that I’ve only ever seen him give to Key. i also think that Jonghyun’s relationship with Key became more intimate as his relationship with Kyuhyun died down.

    but i think Jonghyun’s finally made the decision now to be bi but still more leaning towards being gay so to speak, however not still open abt it. He’s giving sublte hints for now and not in your face one’s like Key. and that’s one reason why he can’t commit to Key. Jonghyun’s too indecisive and probably still very immature considering he’s only 23. although it seems that he may have to come to the realization that he is losing Key and is making a sort of last stand to win Key back,but it may be too late.

    Key on the other hand is finding friendship with Hyoengseop. A male model who is from Daegu and doesn’t come with idol issues. Hyoengseop also seems comfortable around other gay people and doesn’t seem to mind being “looped in” with a gay crowd. Hyoengseop says that he and Key are friends, but i beg to differ. they’ve been doing couple things lately like shopping together, eating together and even wearing the same clothes. but that could just be anything.

    Anyhoo. I wish they all could be who they want to be without trepidation. there’s still a stigma here in the states in regards to gay relationships, i can’t imagine how it is in Korea. Still i feel sad for Jong and Key. obviously they had something special, but b/c of Korea’s attitude toward gays and kpop idols in general having to have a squeaky clean image, it probably never fully blossomed.

    I read a post on onehallyu.com abt Key being gay and that it’s possible his sexuality was exploited for fanservice and that he felt used. He also may have felt that the other members including Jonghyun betrayed him when it came to standing up for being gay. I think Jonghyun entered into the relationship with Se kyung out of pressure not just from SM but possibly from others closer to him. also the reality of Jonghyun being openly gay may have been to much for him. The pressure he had to go through with that relationship with SSK must have been enormous and he buckled, only to seriously regret it later.

    this is just my theory though…

      • true dat…but it’s still fun to speculate….i have to ask you though…do you not think that Jong and Key experimented?

        • Experimented with winding up fangirls by acting a little coupley in public, maybe. Actually experimented, who knows. All jokes aside I don’t really think about who’s banging who in these groups when I listen to them tbh. It doesn’t actually interest me that much.

  3. same here. it”s only when i get on tumblr that i become corrupted. that’s another thing that led me to your blog.

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